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15-Footer, 11/15/13: More Fun With Word Association

We’re back! More word association from Andrew and myself. And some goofy questions. Sometimes prompts aren’t enough, and you have to start asking the hard-hitting questions that other sports journalists just don’t have the gumption to ask.

For instance: Is Marc Gasol sad?

This is ground-breaking stuff, people. To the game!

Milwaukee Bucks at Indiana Pacers (7:00 PM)

Prompts by Jordan, responses by Andrew

Lance Stephenson: Progress. Isn’t Lance’s improvement what we always hope for in a player? Coach Frank Vogel told him this offseason to be ready to have the ball in his hands more often, and he’s clearly been up to the task.

 John Henson vs. Mr. Fantastic vs. Plastic Man: See, it’s not fair. Henson’s got the limbs to combat both of those guys, plus he can always slip into his “Jim” Henson alter ego and sic an army of Muppets on his enemies.

 Luis Scola, in another life: Scola takes a vacation to Spain after graduating high school, becomes the single most successful participant in the Running of the Bulls ever, then moves back home to Argentina to raise delicious beef.

 Miss u, Larry Sanders: What a turn the tale of Larry Sanders has taken. I’m sad now. Thanks, Jordan.

Chicago Bulls at Toronto Raptors (7:00 PM)

Prompts by Andrew, responses by Jordan

Joakim Noah: /yells. /claps. /flexes muscles

Rudy Gay’s check-up at the optometrist:

Doctor: Alright, Rudy, let’s see how your eyes are responding. Take a look at your shot chart from November 11.

Rudy: I don’t see anything wrong with it.

Doctor: Oh my. It seems your condition has only worsened.

Carlos Boozer, barber:

Boozer holds up a mirror to his client

Boozer: Well, how does it look?

Client: YOU SHAVED IT ALL OFF? I JUST TOLD YOU TO TAKE A BIT OFF THE SIDES!

Boozer: Oh, man. I am so, so sorry. Don’t worry, I can fix this.

Boozer takes out a sharpie and furiously scribbles all over the man’s now-bald head.

Jonas Valanciunas: Patience. We tend to think of progression in players as linear, but that just isn’t the case. Jonas’ numbers may not be what we expected in his second season, but there are other areas, such as his footwork, in which he does look much better.

Philadelphia 76ers at Atlanta Hawks (7:30 PM)

Prompts by Jordan, responses by Andrew

MILLSLAP!: I just envision Paul Millsap as E. Honda from Street Fighter.

OK, seriously, that’s enough, Brett Brown: NEVER. Keep winning, Sixers! Show people like me who predicted you’d win 16 games that they have no idea what they’re talking about!

Michael Carter-Williams: Caution. It’s so tempting to anoint someone as a star when they flash a little panache in the first few games of a season, particularly if they’re a rookie. But he’s going to have his ups and downs. Let’s try to hold off on the conclusions for now, shall we?

Evan Turner: Mirage?: I think he’d probably prefer the Aria or the Cosmopolitan. Hardly anyone goes to the Mirage these days.

Portland Trail Blazers at Boston Celtics (7:30 PM)

Prompts by Andrew, responses by Jordan

Robin Lopez, but you can’t talk about his hair: Relief. As in, I’m sure LaMarcus Aldridge is relieved to finally play with a competent defensive big man such as Robin Fropez NO I MEANT LOPEZ DAMMIT.

Jordan Crawford: Wzzntzz. Because he had the best Jordan Crawford tweet of all time.

Predict Portland’s future this season: Sixth seed. Loses a close, 7-game series to the Clippers. Meyers Leonard will air-ball a three-pointer, and Danny Chau will rejoice.

Jeff Green: Serendipity. Sometimes, it’s a matter of the stars aligning, letting misfortune become opportunity, and being in the right place at the right time. Green’s having a quietly-great season, with career highs in scoring and various efficiency marks, from PER to effective field goal percentage.

Charlotte Bobcats at Cleveland Cavaliers (7:30 PM)

Prompts by Jordan, response by Andrew

Kyrie Irving: Where?: Cleveland. He’s not going anywhere, at least not for a while.

Dion Waiters: Why?: Because he seems like someone who should be a productive shooting guard, even if he’s struggled to fulfill that prophecy so far.

Jeff Taylor: Who?: He’s the guy who did this:

Ben Gordon: When?: In a time of great galactic unrest, when the universe needs a hero to save its people from a threat of interstellar proportions. BEN. GOOOOOOOOORDON!

Dallas Mavericks at Miami Heat (7:30 PM)

Prompts by Andrew, responses by Jordan

Mark Cuban’s ring finger: Is lonely with just the one.

Chris Bosh: Un-ratable. I don’t want to say he’s overrated, nor that he’s properly rated, or even underrated. He just…is. He defies rating.

What if Monta Ellis only have 2/3s of it?: Then I don’t want to know what having it all looks like.

Dwyane Wade 3-pointers: unnecessary. Wade’s one of the few holdover two-guards that dominated without having a reliable three-point shot.

Minnesota Timberwolves at Denver Nuggets (8:00 PM, ESPN)

Prompts by Jordan, responses by Andrew

Kevin Love’s case for MVP: Strong. It’s going to depend on what the others in the competition do, of course, but Love’s credentials will stand on their own.

Nuggets: initiate tank mode?: I don’t see how they can justify it, unfortunately. It makes rational sense, but would you want to ask a first-year head coach — a rookie at that — to start purposely not trying to win games to the team’s full extent? Now if we’re talking about jettisoning some pieces and looking toward a rebuild, that’s a different story.

A world without JaVale is…: Approximately 13% less fun than a world with JaVale.

Evan Fournier, as a German: Are you trying to lead me into a World War II counterfactual? Because I will not go there, Mr. White. I will not!

Brooklyn Nets at Phoenix Suns (9:00 PM)

Prompts by Andrew, responses by Jordan

Jeff Hornacek: Coach of the Year. No, seriously. IF the Suns keep this up (they won’t) and the make the playoffs, his case for CoY is as strong as any.

Brook Lopez: Tree. If a tree falls in a forest, and no one’s there, does it still make a sound? Don’t be stupid, of course it does. If Brook Lopez’s great year is wasted on the surprisingly bad Nets, does it still matter? Don’t be stupid, of course it does.

Miles Plumlee at his family’s Thanksgiving dinner: “DAMMIT, MOM, I’M MILES. HE’S MASON”

Inside the mind of Kevin Garnett: No. Good Shammgod no. I won’t even attempt this.

San Antonio Spurs at Utah Jazz (9:00 PM)

Prompts by Jordan, responses by Andrew

Patty Mills: Downright Spursian. Mills is getting 16 minutes per game this year, but I don’t think I’ve heard anyone other than Spurs fans and writers mention him. It’s the perfect San Antonio storm.

Gordon Hayward, in 40 years: Will still look like he’s 21.

Ty Corbin: I don’t even know anymore. How much of this is his fault? Will he get fired? So many questions.

If Tim Duncan had a dog, it would be…: A bulldog named Duncan. And when people came over to Tim’s house and called for Duncan, Timmy would whirl around and hit ‘em with the bug-eyed expression just to mess with people.

Memphis Grizzlies at Los Angeles Lakers (10:30 PM)

Prompts by Andrew, responses by Jordan

Is Marc Gasol sad right now?: Yes. The Grizzlies rank 25th overall in defensive rating, which is inexcusable for a team that features Conley, Allen, and Gasol. Ricky Rubio needs to give Marc a pep talk, and tell him to change his face.

The secrets inside Mike D’Antoni’s mustache: No one, not Indiana Jones, not Lara Croft, not Nicholas Cage, will ever find out. Mike’s moustache is a sable impenetrable fortress, and what lies within is for him, and only him, to know

Tony Allen’s favorite kind of snake: Snakey. WAIT, THAT’S IT! TONY ALLEN STOLE SNAKEY

Steve Nash: I’m going to cry.

Detroit Pistons at Sacramento Kings (10:30 PM, ESPN)

Prompts by Jordan, responses by Andrew

Isaiah Thomas and constantly proving oneself: I think it’s a two-sided coin, the price of being the son of a Hall of Famer and being rather diminutive.

DeMarcus Cousins takes a Rorschach test: “What do you see, DeMarcus?” “Everything and nothing, a thousand points in space represented by ink on the page.” “…really?” “ARE YOU QUESTIONING ME? MAN, GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE.” “…but it’s my offi-” “I SAID GET OUT.”

Josh Smith: Ill-advised shots and stellar defense — at least, when he’s focused.

Greg Monroe — trade bait?: Probably. And it’s probably for the best. Moose needs to be set loose. He’d look pretty good in Denver, don’t you think?

Jordan White

Jordan White loves basketball, loves writing and loves writing about basketball. He marvels at every Ricky Rubio pass and cries after every Brandon Roy highlight. He grew up in Kansas, where, contrary to popular belief, there is running water, electricity, and no singing munchkins. Follow him on Twitter: @JordanSWhite