15 Footer 2.3.09: The Six Sides of Rob Mahoney

Who is Rob Mahoney?

Sure, He’s made you laugh, he’s made you think. Maybe even made you shed a tear every now and then. But how much do any of us really know about the internet’s marquee man of mystery? We here at the Paroxysm dispatched our finest investigative reporters deep into heart of Texas to answer these questions and more. No one could have predicted the horror we would find.

REASONS TO WATCH THE GAMES OF THE NATIONAL BASKETBALL ASSOCIATION TONIGHT:

Look Ma, No Hands (Toronto at Cleveland):

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As in, “Cleveland could beat Toronto at home without even using their hands.” The physics is mind-boggling but it could happen.

Loves to Rock (Minnesota at Indiana):

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Al Jefferson. Danny Granger. “GOOD EVENING, INDIANAPOLIS! ARE YOU READY TO ROCK?”

One of These Two is Stronger Than the Other (Boston at Philadelphia):

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It’s a shame because once upon a time I actually thought the Sixers might contend. Well, everyone makes mistakes.

Surprisingly Good Looking (Milwaukee at New Jersey):

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Wait. The Nets and the Bucks are even remotely relevant. Have we been watching the same NBA?

Quit Your Whining (Chicago at Houston):

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A little mental toughness could do these boys some good.

Deceptively Cool (San Antonio at Denver):

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Somehow a match-up between the most boring team in the NBA and a surefire first round exit has turned into a struggle for second place in the West. Just goes to show you that season previews don’t mean a thing.

Seth Carstens