15 Footer 01.06.09

Transmitted by Moore thirty floors below sea level, from a bunker… (mad props if you catch that reference)

A Real Zero-Sum Game (Houston at Philly): Philly got hit with the bad luck blues in yet another way last weekend when that ball bounced to Parker. That could have been a turning point for them, coming from behind and beating a good team on the road. Instead, it’s another reminder of how nothing can go right this season. So if they win tonight,it’ll be tempered (most-likely) by the Rockets’ injuries and missing starters. If they lose, it’s losing to an incomplete team that’s struggling to find itself. Similarly, Houston needed that Atlanta win bad, to rally some sense of wholeness within themselves, without McGrady or Artest. If they win tonight, well, they’re just beating a Sixers team on a bad roll without Elton Brand. If they lose, well, everyone continue panicking, move along. Iggy (yes, I’m calilng you Iggy, Iggy. Mr. Iggleson. Iggy van Iggy and the Iggy-Iggy Tonites) has woken up and is back to his useful self. Andre Miller is the new Iggy, suffering through a slump. But if you want a matchup to watch tonight? How about The Hanging Thad Versus, potentially, Ron Artest? That’s just brutal. Everyone should just clear out, have them go ISO, and let God sort ‘em out. Instead we’ll have Reggie Evans missing putbacks and Luis Scola being angry about fouls. Fun times.

And You Will Know Us By Our Players Casual Fans Have Never Heard Of (Celtics at Bobcats): Bobcats win tonight. I recognize that this goes against all logic, and that most likely, Boston will trash this team beyond comprehension. But the Celtics are struggling, the Bobcats are really good at small forward which is essential to beating the C’s (I’ll come back to that in a minute), and the Cats gave them fits last year. This is a better Bobcats team that’s slowly starting to figure things out. If Adam Morrison and Sean May weren’t such wastes of space, they might even be decent. In the interim, most of the time it takes an excellent performance by a small forward to beat the C’s. Not better than Pierce, because that’s not happening, and not because of Pierce’s defense, which is usually excellent. It’s just a trend I’ve picked up on that has very shady evidence and you should probably dismiss out of hand. So call it a hunch. Meanwhile, Boris Diaw versus Garnett-Powe-Perkins is enough to make your brain explode, and Okafor’s going to give the Celtics some problems. DJ Augustin versus Rondo? This one looks better every second.

WANTED: SIX BIG MEN TO FOUL BIGGER MAN (Magic at Wizards): It’s not like there aren’t big men that shoot free throws well. There are lots of big men that shoot free throws very well. So when Dwight Howard acts like that’s all, folks, it’s kind of bullsh*t. Now, frame this with the fact that he’s averaging 28.5 and 15.0 Rebounds against the Wiz this season. If I were Washington, I’d go out and sign as many big men as I could make roster space for, and take Hack-A-Dwight to a whole new level. Teach him something special. I’m leaning towards Antawn winning the battle of power forwards, but there’s not a guard on the Wizards who can stop Jameer Nelson right now. No, that does not get less weird to type.

An Unlikely Rivalry (Grizzlies vs. Wolves): I desperately want O.J. Mayo versus Kevin Love to become some sort of perverted rivalry, where all Love wants to do is go out and play his game and get paid, and O.J. wants to destroy him. Love won’t care, and it’ll be great fireworks. This game becomes more fascinating the more I think about it and should be a better matchup than the last disappointing Grizz showing. Jefferson versus Gasol, Arthur versus Gomes, Miller versus OJAM, and lots of players in between. Oddly, the difference tonight may be Warrick, who’s been lights out. Or the bad Grizzlies could show up and this could be a nightmare for the home team.

NEW YORK CITAY?! (Knicks at Thunder): Kevin Durant doesn’t think he’s an All-Star. Stephon Marbury probably thinks he could be. Ponder that tonight.

Roadkill. (Clippers at Mavericks): Baron Davis is out. The Clippers are terrible. The Mavericks are angry and at home. Come on, this is not rocket science, folks.


The NBA’s Version Of the Hadron Collider (Bulls and Kings): If Rose and Martin simultaneously run in opposite directions on the floor, Mikki Moore’s head will explode. It’s true. It’s science.


Big Daddy Bets The Pot (Hornets vs. Lakers): The Hornets have gotten pushed around by the Lakers so far this season. Chandler’s back after his suspension, and Paul’s been on an even-high-for-him tear. Meanwhile the Lakers are just better than everyone else. So who gives first, here? Answer: David West versus Gasol. Oh, and if Andrew Bynum does anything good at all, everyone will race to pronounce this his coming out party and start talking about him being the greatest center in the league again. Fun all around.

Seth Carstens