NBA Oregon Trail: LeBron Still Can’t Get Any Help

Heat Oregon Trail Dwyane Dysentery

After a few weeks off, we’re back with NBA Oregon Trail as we send LeBron James and the Miami Heat on the trail for a much needed vacation after the Finals. We sent LeBron out with Dwyane Wade, Mario Chalmers, Chris Bosh, and Michael Beasley in hopes that they could help him more on the trail than they did in the Finals. (SPOILER: Not so much)

The start of the trip, much like their playoff run, was pretty uneventful, stumbling across empty carcasses of travelers past.

Bosh would struggle with the physicality of the trail.

While Bosh pushed on, Wade’s age became an issue as he caught the first of many maladies.

Wade’s lack of speed made him vulnerable to wildlife.

Bosh’s lack of physicality continued to present problems.

The Heat stopped to pay homage to fallen brethren of the trail. RIP Amare.

Beasley, not accustomed to actually having to do things, struggled to adjust from his sedentary lifestyle to the rigors of the trail.

Get up, Mario. No one’s buying it.

With the rest of the team floundering, LeBron stepped up for one of his patented hot streaks. First, he fixed the axle.

Then, he killed a bear from long range. he scavenged an old wagon for supplies.

And finally, he scavenged an old wagon for supplies.

Thanks to LeBron, the Heat were back on track, but Dwyane kept weighing them down.

Even with his constant illnesses, Wade kept on living. It was Bosh that was the first victim of the trail.

Wade continued his quest to find every disease possible.

And, Mario was getting worn out.

Wade. Just. Won’t. Die.

On the final river, Beasley and Rio would meet there end. So close, yet so far away.

In the end, LeBron carried himself to the end, dragging the half-dead corpse of Wade with him, a fitting end to this adventure.

And because of the lack of help provided by his teammates, LeBron just couldn’t reach Kobe’s RINGZZZ count.

The trail can be eerily realistic.

Robby Kalland

Robby covers college football for Cox Media and formerly covered the Atlanta Hawks for Hawks.com and SB Nation. He once broke a roulette table in half with Anthony Tolliver and was given a bottle of wine by Johan Petro in the same night.