Kobe Bryant’s Injured Ligament Explained In Song

[blackbirdpie url=”http://twitter.com/#!/ESPNSteinLine/status/149584238944063488″]

I’m going to assume that 99.9% of the people reading this, as well as myself, had no idea what a lunotriquetral ligament was until we all jointly Googled it about 5 minutes ago. For those who aren’t up on the news and fondly remember their formative years in elementary school, I present this helpful primer. Feel free to sing and mime along. Minus the miming – that’s never, ever a good idea.

The lunotriquetral ligament is connected to the lunate and triquetral bones,

The lunate and triquetral bones are connected to the hand bone,

The hand bone is connected to Kobe’s clutch bone,

Kobe’s clutch bone is connected to the Lakers’ success bone,

The Lakers’ success bone is connected to the “overreact and trade for Dwight Howard” bone,

The overreact and trade for Dwight Howard bone is connected to the “battle the Clippers for Los Angeles supremacy – at least this year, as Kobe continues to fall apart and the Clippers develop more chemistry” bone,

The “Battle for Los Angeles” bone is connected to the “making the Western Conference Finals and potentially losing to the Thunder anyway” bone,

And they’re all connected to the ring finger bone.

Andrew Lynch

When God Shammgod created the basketball universe, Andrew Lynch was there. His belief in the superiority of advanced statistics and the eventual triumph of expected value-based analytics stems from the fact that he’s roughly as old as the concept of counting. With that said, he still loves the beauty of basketball played at the highest level — it reminds him of the splendor of the first Olympics — and the stories that spring forth from the games, since he once beat Homer in a game of rock-paper-scissors over a cup of hemlock. Dude’s old.