Am I The Only One Who Sees This? (Well, Besides Skeets Who Apparently Made Note of It in His Fancy Podcast That I Can’t Watch at Work!)

(But this time, with no reference to Artest)

Moore and I were talking this morning about players who continue to plague current and former teams, just by their own existence. Darius Miles and the Portland fiasco comes to mind. The fact that the preseason games he participated in are allowed to count toward the 10 game threshold he must break in order to wreak havoc on the Trailblazer’s finances is abominable. (FTR, if Miles plays more than 10 NBA games this year, Portland is on the books for $18mil in currently insured salary over this year and next). So, instead of this washed-up, cancerous dud only having participated in 2 meaningful games this year, he is now ticketed for 8. If some big-hearted, reform minded coach wants to take a late season chance on him and let him hawk some Tyron Lue-ish minutes, it will cost the Blazers dearly. For his sake, I hope Kevin Pritchard doesn’t have many mortal enemies, cause this will undoubtedly happen. That’s not say that Miles isn’t trying to be a better teammate and regain his skills (ok, PSYCHE, that’s exactly what this is saying), but truly, you’ve got to cut your losses at some point. Some guys are better off in Europe… or Haiti. Portland has tried to do everything possible to rid their team of combustible, selfish miscreants and they still may get screwed for it because of some loophole in player participation regulations. Life’s a bitch sometimes, ain’t it.

But, that is not the real crux of this post. Has ABSOLUTELY NO ONE IN THE NBA BLOGOSPHERE noticed that the mere prospect and speculation of Stephon Marbury going to Boston has resulted in a crushing cycle of night in/ night out EPIC FAIL, KG being pilloried by his peers and Celtics fans acting more like Bernie Madoff’s clients than World Champs? Really? KD says not to worry, but I say you have nothing to fear but… Marbury himself. He may destroy us all!

Yes, that is right, Stephon Marbury is so toxic that even if he hints at the possibility of joining your team, you should consider it lucky if no players end up with Hepatitis, unintentional blindness or if they didn’t get their credit cards compromised. If Stephon Marbury wants to join your organization, please get rid of every gun you own, because they will most likely shoot you themselves. Not even the kid from the upcoming movie “THE UNBORN” could render so many people mutilated and maimed. So many dreams dashed. So many championships unattainable. So many dozens of lottery picks in your team’s immediate future.


We have truly reach critical mass in this Marbury situation. At this point, I am surprised all of D’Antoni’s facial hair hasn’t fallen out. Yes, it’s that horrible. The quicker Danny Ainge can come to the public and openly refute any dealing with or desires for Marbury, the better off his team will be. It not, they could end up looking the wall of Persians from 300 (sorry, saw it last night, again.)


I urge you, dear readers and bloggers, unite against this common enemy. Resist the temptation to fulminate about the possibilities of Marbury being a reformed, team-focused veteran for a contender. Do not allow his machinations and tirades about his being “disrespected” cause you to consider his “value” as a back up point guard. This man is out to eat your soul (not to mention, the tendons and ankles of your favorite team’s players). Resist, I tell you, resist. Or else your computer might explode… and you might have to wear pants and appear in public… and you might have to move out from your parent’s basement!!

RESIST!

Seth Carstens