I mean, I get it. In an interview with Rolling Stone that was incredibly deadpan, funny, and fun to read, the most alarming thing was Blake Griffin’s reaction to a pretty loaded lead question about how old he thought the Earth was. Deadspin first brought the quote to everyone’s attention, and it was met with expected derision. To wit:
You were home-schooled until the seventh grade. Are you Team Creationism or Team Evolution?
I was raised in a Christian household and went to a Christian high school, so I believe in creationisim, for sure.
So you think the Earth is only 6,000 years old?
I don’t want to do the math, but somewhere around there.
The thing is — and I don’t want to put words in his mouth — I’m not entirely sure that he was being 100% serious in his response, and Deadspin seems to come to the same conclusion. Even if he was, whatever. I’m more of a Neil deGrasse Tyson man myself, but if that’s what Blake believes, good for him. The real problem here isn’t what Griffin thinks about radiocarbon dating and tectonic plates, it’s that we let this one response completely obscure what is otherwise an amazing interview.
BLAKE GRIFFIN WANTS TO SLAP JUSTIN BIEBER (IN AN ALTERNATE UNIVERSE). How was this not the main headline in every aggregation (other than this one, dear reader, because we care about you) of this interview? It’s said with as much tongue-in-cheek chutzpah as Griffin can muster, and it makes for fantastic copy.
There was a Twitter rumor last month that you’d slapped Justin Bieber because he threatened a barista at Starbucks. We know it’s not true. But if you got the chance, would you slap Justin Bieber?
If he was tormenting a Starbucks barista, yeah, I’d have to. As a citizen, you do your part. Also, it’s a way of giving back to the baristas for never really leaving a tip.
He’d have to! It’s his civic duty.
What else? Blake Griffin’s first concert was Creed. Not because he knew who they were or because he’s #TeamCreationism, but because his big brother was going to the show, and Blake wanted to tag along like any younger brother would. It’s a subtle way of throwing Taylor Griffin under the bus for an embarrassing story from Blake’s past, which is flawless family dynamic execution on his part. He comes up short of going full damnation on Creed, though, which is the smart move. Creed-hate is pretty post-post-retro-ironic-modern at this point.
There are other, less family-friendly topics in the interview. If you want to learn more than you thought you’d ever want about Blake’s hair, and hair in particular, and…just, there’s hair everywhere in this interview, friends — click on through and fill your head with knowledge. Griffin even tries to name all the brands he doesn’t sponsor in ten seconds; the over/under is 6.5. I won’t spoil which action wins.
Long live Blake Griffin. May he reign for at least 6,000 years.