Late Night Lockout Negotiations Time Capsule: Part 1

10:09 PT

This was supposed to be a rare day in which negotiations didn’t drag on endlessly. Things would be different, a settlement was in hand, new people would be talking, and conclusions would finally vary. Instead, there’ve been few reports, the same general set of people negotiating, and another full day of negotiations. There’ve been less anonymous source reports and less indications of anything, and that’s probably for the best. Oh, and then there was this:

[blackbirdpie url=”http://twitter.com/#!/WojYahooNBA/status/140313987039506432″]

And I’m sure this idea went well. This is how I imagine that situation played out:

“Ok, let’s have Jeffrey call Stern and try to increase BRI.”

“Jeffrey? Jeffrey Kessler? You mean the guy David Stern openly hates?”

“Yeah, him.”

“Ok, put him through.”

(Calls into negotiating conference room)

“David, we’ve got Mr. Kessler on the line.”

“Who?”

“Jeffrey Kessler.”

“Tell him to start talking.”

“Hey, David. This is Jeffrey Kessler. I was just wondering how you’d feel about a 51-49 BRI split.”

“You’re a funny guy, Jeff.”

Stern stares at the phone, walks over, and hangs it up. Stern turns and the phone promptly explodes.

(Everyone laughs nervously.)

Seth Carstens