NBA Opening Night 2007

7:05PM Okay, here we go! We’ll have a nice quick intro and then the tipof….what? The Spurs are getting their rings? Okay. That’s fine. We’ll got to the studio and come back… wait, what? Okay, well, this shouldn’t take long…

7:10PM FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!

7:11PM “AAAAAAND THE EXECUTIVE DIRECTOR OF JANITORIAL SERVICES, MR. ALAN MUCKRAKER!”

Good God. What was Stern thinking?

“Hmm… no one outside of San Antonio can stand them, they’re a small market, they’re at the center of the biggest scandal in NBA history… I know! Let’s bring them on television with their boring selves for 20 minutes!”

7:20PM Finally. Woah, La Marcus Aldridge decided to come and play.

7:22 Pryzbilla should get good. His name is too close to Godzilla for him to suck.

7:26PM And Bowen makes his first attempt of 2007 to try and cripple a great player. Welcome back, Bruce. Die.

7:27PM It takes me 5 months to forget how much I hate Tony Parker. And about twenty seconds into the season I’m right back there. Welcome back, jackass.

7:28PM Duncan misses a baseline 15 footer. How do you leave that guy open? How do you forget Tim freaking Duncan?

7;29PM Aldridge is pretty much bringing the noise.

7:30PM Michael Finley is turning into Robert Horry 2.0. Just hangs around, plays defense, fills a whole, and then drives the dagger when he gets the chance.

7:31PM The wife loves the Great Pumpkin. Considerably more than she likes the NBA. She’s not winning this battle, sadly for her. Of course, I pretty much feel like Linus at the end with the Suns. “Someday the Great Pumpkin will come! And he’ll bring the Suns a championship! And it’ll be great!”

7:33PM The Blazers are rebounding well. Unfortunately, they’re not defending Parker well. And by that I mean, letting him do whatever he wants.

7:34PM I love how what would be a reach in on anyone else is a steal for Manu Ginobli. That Argentinian must give great head.

7:35PM Duncan’s court vision is ridonkulous for a man of his size.

7:36PM Duncan’s jumper is not great tonight.

7:39PM We’ve got our first “Manu Ginobli drives with absolutely no regard for his or any other player’s safety.” of the season. Wahoo!

7:43PM Who was that masked man?

7:44PM This is going to get ugly and boring really fast. Again, who in the hell thought this boring ass, unbelievably talented, hard working, disciplined, ridiculously unfun to watch team was a good idea for opening night?

7:46PM Matt Bonner: The Spurs latest absurdly undertalented dude that gets tons of points and opps just by crashing the offensive glass.

7:47PM Robert Horry, 15 seasons, 7 rings, 1 massive cheap shot. A legacy in the making.

I am stunned by how well coached the Spurs are on the offensive glass every year. They make so many points on just following through and exploiting mismatches.

7:51PM Over on NBATV, I hear this little piece. “Pop, before they drafted him, went down and visited him, and they just walked on the beach, getting to know each other.”

Um.

Yeah.

7:55PM I’d rather watch the Blazers lose than the Spurs win. They’re just more fun to watch. It’s so bizarre. I know it’s been said a million times. And I don’t even know what it is, there’s just a matter of something about them that’s unfathomably unfun to be around. Seriously. If I were a Spurs fan, I’d be on Prozac. They’re also amazingly good at everything from rebounding to finding the open man, to ball rotation, to floor vision, to strength and conditioning. It’s infuriating how excellent they are. I hope that helps them sleep at night.

8:00PM The Spurs beg you to collapse on the drive. Then they dish on the lift, and just kill you with the guys on the perimeter. You see it coming and there’s nothing you can do about it. Also, if someone will please tell me another team Oberto would be a starter on, I’d appreciate it. Thanks.

8:03PM Brent Barry. The Gary Shandling of the NBA.

And the Spurs put the foot on the throat. Back later when Rockets vs. Lakers gets going so that there’s something that doesn’t depress me happening.

Matt Moore

Matt Moore is a Senior NBA Blogger for CBSSports.com's Eye on Basketball blog, weekend editor of Pro Basketball Talk on NBCSports.com, and co-editor of Voice on the Floor. He lives in Kansas City due to an unbelievably complex set of circumstances and enjoys mid-90's pop rock, long walks on the beach and the novels of Tim Sandlin.