Vladimir Luxuria, the only one who still believes: Vote 9
The ninth and penultimate episode of This Miserable Celebrity Island. So far, we haven’t had a chance to talk about the real queen of coconuts. Hidden away in the studio, Vladimir Luxuria, amid indifference and general bickering, never ceased to believe in her and still in the semi-finals never missed an opportunity to dispense pearls of wisdom and manifold misfortune. His role is that of a columnist, so we shouldn’t be surprised that he performs it with passion and surgical prowess. Instead, given the trend, it looks like a zebra with polka dots. He always intervenes very delicately to comment on the sad workings of the shipwrecked, not allowing them to pass by one. He assures Mazzoli how the sudden friendship he flaunts with Lo Cicero and the hitherto hated Prestes smells of strategy. And he is right. With Helena, she gets angry for daring to mention Cristina Scoccia’s past as a nun only to turn on her. Finally, when the Made in Brazil model was finally eliminated, he turned her down, saying, “Go back to your Carlo, if you remember who he is.” The reference is to Prestes’ (alleged) friend, whom anyone with common sense would suspect. He became infuriated, and Luxuria sarcastically reassured him: “I’ve already got my wedding dress ready, don’t worry.” Cleaver is also adept at the former Ursuline who continues to be unwilling to reveal the identity of the human she claims to be having an affair with. Will it be a man? woman? Liquid Triceratops? maybe. And how boring. While the Papi-Blasi-Alvin-Bermuda triangle is too busy occupying one another, only Vladimir is working to highlight island dynamics and obstacles. Maybe not worth it, but applause for workaholics.
Mazzoli believes in The Truman Show (and gets involved with Altar Boy): Vote 5
We have always promoted it in one form or another, but Marco Mazzoli’s show is boring. Fortunately, there is now one weekend left before the final match which, most likely, will crown the winner. The reality show enslaves the castaway and the camera doesn’t move without a nice close-up of him or his zoo henchmen Paolo Noyes and Fabio Alesi. An episode that was fun at first but is now boring as hell. It’s pure (sub)cultural domination: the trio takes the place of Ilary Blasey herself, whom she thanks because, as usual, she doesn’t feel like it. They even subject her to a gunfire of vulgar questions including, “Can you tell the time without even opening the safe?” But this is still L’Isola dei Famosi, not a maxi-direct from the zoo. In addition, the dashing Mazzoli proves to have excellent skills as a “paraguru”. For example, after nine weeks of being the sworn enemy of Lo Cicero and Prestes, now, away from the final, he has become friends with both of them. “From home you can only see fragments,” he says of the former rugby player, “but in reality he and I, men of a certain age, argued for half a minute at most from the beginning to the day.” He then goes to Helena’s usual consolation as always in tears because: “It breaks my heart to see a woman cry.” Being someone who has claimed to have no intention of “laying my life on a hideous little rug,” he has a desire to win. here i am. From villain to altar boy semi-finalist. Purer at heart than the previous Ursuline Cristina. sin.
Ilary Blasey would rather have ice cream (that’s good for you): Vote 7
We saw her nonchalantly passing out Corinne Cleary alive a few weeks ago. After all, Ilary Blasi only shines when he’s having a fight with Enrico Papi and Alvin, his Red and Toby character. As the ship sinks, it is much colder than the Titanic’s iceberg. And on Twitter they love her for that very reason. If we were in a Netflix series, there wouldn’t be a degree of separation between the former Letterina and the character of Secco, Zerocalcare’s sidekick who never cares about anything. He just wants to get ice cream, and you want the episode to end soon. However, we suspect the two frequented the same circles. The peak of power in the semi-finals, one of the moments of elimination where Blassie finds herself having to read the motivational thoughts addressed to the two outcasts in the current nomination. Helena Prestes was touched by the beautiful words and Ilary immediately distanced herself: “Look, a writer wrote it for me. It’s not flour from my sack.” Indeed, when she had to repeat the combination, she always showed the same intonation and the same enthusiasm of a five-year-old who had learned to read two hours earlier and is amazed at the sound of her voice. However, social media adores all this neglect. Those who tweet are probably too young to remember the times when Simona Ventura was at the helm of the reality show. Bliss of ignorance.
Cristina Scoccia wanted to get the bike (and now it’s dark): Vote 4
“The Mystery of the Person,” is how Vladimir Luxuria defined the grueling relationship (to the audience) that the former Ursuline Cristina Scoccia claims to have with a person of undetermined gender and identity in Madrid. Helena Priestes, defining the exposed drowned woman, used the unfortunate expression: “The nun is dead.” This means that Scuccia will be nothing more than a specially created TV character faked to the core. We know very well that a model made in Brazil will utter any nonsense in order to make a fuss and discredit others, but let’s relaunch: what if this time she was right? It’s been nine weeks (not and not a half) that Christina has been craving love and lacking this “someone” whom she seems to have seen only two, maybe three months ago. For all this time, her name has never escaped her. Not even crying. He always refers to her, taking care to say “he or she”, as if following a script and with all due respect for spontaneity. Perhaps because he knows his sexual orientation is the only card he can play to make himself “interesting” in the public eye? Doubt exists. The semi-finalists give sleepy new updates regarding Scotia soap: Christina and my love are going to live together “with other people in the house because obviously I don’t have a lot of money,” she explains. It is she who, among other things, seems obsessed with order: in her love letter to “her” she hopes that the house will be in order and the clothes will hang properly. An overwhelming passion, instead. However, Ilary Blasey brings her some bad news: the reality crew hasn’t been able to contact this “someone.” Or maybe yes, but the ectoplasm didn’t want to say anything to the former Ursuline. In nine weeks, not even a bit of writing. If we’re not in front of the new Marc Caltagiron, he’s officially a ghost. Sorry about the monastery…
Helena Priestes, as unbearable as it is indispensable: Vote 7.5
He’s tried to follow in the footsteps of his friend Nikita Pelizon, already another big winner in Big Brother. So he played the sacrificial victim that the group misunderstood for nine grueling weeks. All this strategy – no Raz Digan – thinks she’s the winner and sees herself eliminated from the TV flash before the final match. And with 71% of the vote against it. If Marco Mazzoli is the positive pole of this edition, in the opposite polarity we find Helena Prestes with the scepter and crown of pure indiscriminate malice. Always a bad word to everyone, including her (alleged) boyfriend and slave Carlo, the model was the bogeyman to every Honduras outcast. But without it, we would have to go and prick them one by one with sticks to see if they were still alive. He only creates negative and toxic dynamics, but remains a great realistic animal. Considering all the effort so far and the pace of karma, well deserved to get to the final episode. After all, she’s done more work with tantrums and temper tantrums than most of the writers on this reality show. The audience is sensitive to noise pollution but ungrateful. Note to followers: from today the so-called friend Carlo returns under the tyrannical power of the model and will therefore be physically prohibited from publishing stories in which he shows his grace. Double sin.
Gian Maria Sainato, scriptwriter and caretaker with passion: VOTE 5-
Working “with his hair”, he was in vain and stayed “only in five-star hotels.” Today he is satisfied even with those who have four because he has “learned humility.” For some reason, the creators of the reality show specified in This Man, Gian Maria Sainato, a likable character at all costs. When he opens his mouth, Babi and Blasey roar with laughter. Laughter echoed further in the midst of the general arctic frost. Pure about the face, it is
The Final Five Nominees, Between Miracle and Highly Expected: Vote 6
This edition of Isola dei Famosi has seen more withdrawals than eliminations. It was also among the least watched of all time. Walking to the last episode crawling in the mud on their stomachs amidst general indifference Marco Mazzoli (what a surprise!), Cristina Scotia (ditto!), Pamela Camassa (at least someone who deserved it without outside help) and Andrea Le Cicero (in Honduras they call him ” Lucifer”) and Luca Vetroni (the nip that no one felt the need for). Unfortunately, this is not fun. The castaways think she’s been knocked out, but she looms unseen from the shore of the last beach, so Alessandra Drusian is still in the game, and maybe 50% of Jalisse is too nice for that infernal collection of brawls and verbal pick-ups. And very tense nerves, which is the “island”. Undeservedly out of the “Fab 6” was Natalie Caldonzzo who animated every second of his fiery residency through The Art of War and Helena Prestis who did the same. Whoever wins will be crowned the winner of an edition that no one will remember anymore on Tuesday, June 20th. Date Monday 19th with the Final (in direct competition with GialappaShow on Tv8. Feel free to be in line with the story that suits you best. But whoever changes the channel crashes between gigs).
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