Are you shy? You’re not alone. One in two people in Western countries share this condition, so universal and timeless that Homer actually wrote in the Odyssey: “He paused for a moment, with a trembling heart before his bronze threshold,” of the terrified Odysseus when he met King Alcinous. People of all cultures, of all ages, have suffered from shyness; its symptoms have been described magnificently in works ranging from Shakespeare to Tennessee Williams, through Stendhal or Rousseau. Literary history is full of famous tricksters, and there seem to be more of them in countries like Germany and Japan, famous for their rigor.
Now the psychiatrist Christophe André, one of the great French specialists in anxiety disorders and depression, has been encouraged to write an article, La timidez (Arpa editors), about this specific form of social anxiety, undoubtedly the most common. As with everything, there are degrees, the author warns: from benign forms of shyness or stage fright to social phobia, the most common mental illness, second only to depression and alcoholism – although a large number of drinkers actually suffer from social phobia, between 10% and 50% according to studies – or the avoidant personality, characterized by a lack of confidence and systematic avoidance of new personal situations by the individual suffering, convinced that “man is a wolf to man” and characterized by fear of ridicule. A feeling of paralysis by the inability to do so.
A way of being
There are many scientific definitions of shyness, more than 20 so far, according to Christophe André. The journalist François Mitterrand admitted to being shy, without it preventing him from being president of France for 14 years, as do young people facing their first job interview, and it is difficult to say what he and others share. Shyness is not a disease, but a way of life that combines internal discomfort with tangible external symptoms, such as blushing, sweaty palms or a trembling voice. And although the historical tendency of health professionals has been to downplay its importance – “it’s not that serious” – its treatment is currently a growing market. Most shy people will be able to live without it, but it turns out that the suicide rate is 12 times higher among people with social phobia who are not adequately diagnosed. In France, general practitioners were only able to diagnose anxiety in 25% of patients with social phobia, despite them being the most affected of all those with social anxiety, a study carried out as part of a large-scale World Health Organization survey has warned.
Shyness is a “silent epidemic” because of the elusive nature of its sufferers. It makes sex difficult—a survey of San Francisco prostitutes found that 60 percent of their clients thought they were shy—and socializing and careers difficult. The stereotype of the misunderstood, isolated “lone genius” is a lie, warns the book, which includes a study of great figures from all ages that shows that among the qualities necessary for success, the ability to communicate and explain far outweighs the rest.
try to fight it
And if shyness, although a problem for many, hurts and causes suffering, the most logical thing to do is to try to fight it, just as “you will give birth with pain” or “what does not kill you makes you stronger.” End, and nowadays no one discusses pain relief as the end of medicine. “Do we agree to stop going to the dentist because cavities are normal?” the author asks. Shyness is transmitted from generation to generation either through genetic factors (biological transmission) or heredity (learned behaviors).
A critical and discouraging father, combined with a caring but overprotective mother, creates self-esteem issues and is a common denominator among people with social phobia. Social anxiety is often precipitated by a traumatic event, which can be traced back to schoolyard bullying, to intense discomfort in first sexual encounters in adolescence, or to events that occurred in adulthood, such as anxiety attacks when speaking in front of a group.
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Regardless of each person’s reasons, shyness can be alleviated, but it is advisable to avoid “fancy solutions” or “good advice” that are “inappropriate”, “incomplete” or simple as described by Christophe André, and to resort to “validated techniques” which, in short, will be some medications and therapies.
In some cases, there is a “spontaneous development” that ends shyness, as a result of life events or encounters, but it is better not to rely on that, as there are more shy adults than children who were shy.
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