The 15 Footer helps you find reasons to pay attention to the games of the day. Feel free to leave your own in the comments.
Last night’s F*$k Lion:
(Thanks to drunkathlete.com for the picture, obviously).
Hmm…. remind me not to piss in the Nets’ Wheaties again, will ya? Richard Jefferson did not take kindly to my underestimation of their chances to win the East. So he went out and pissed all over the Bulls for 29. KDu did, with 18 points and 5 boards, not enough for a win, but enough for a good showing. Zero hit the dagger, but not the free throws, and the Pacers (the Pacers?!) took over in overtime. Mike Dunleavy gave a monstrous performance. Let me say that again. Mike. Dunleavey. Gave a monstrous performance. At basketball. 25, 12, and 4. Ah, early season. I’ll prep the MVP banner.
Tonight only features three games. Screw it. I did it on opening night, I can do it again.
Here’s your 15 for tonight’s games.
1. This game rules! (In 1994!): Tonight Shaquille O’Neal, Alonzo Mourning, and Penny Hardaway will all suit up for the Miami Heat. That’s a dozen film appearances, 5 kidneys, a bazillion commercials, and 5 Championship rings. And with the awesome additions of Ricky Davis and Mark Blount…Look, just tune in to see what Wade’s wearing.
2. “My Name is Tracy McGrady. You Killed My Playoffs. Prepare To Die.”: The Jazz and Rockets meet for the first time since Carlos Boozer and company gave TMac a nervous breakdown in game 7 of the first round last year. The Rockets are coming off of a close one against the Lakers where Black Mamba almost bit them right in the ass. The Jazz, conversely, beat the Warriors like they stole somethin’. Even the party with the GSOM folks was dampened by the royal beatdown the Jazz put on. (Thanks to GSOM)
3. “You May Remember Us From Such Films As ‘David Stern Screwed Us’ and ‘Yes, We Can Go Faster’”: The Suns are back, and the goal is to bring the super-offense to an even higher level of productivity. The Suns will most likely be looking for some revenge on the league. Their first victim? KDu and the Chris Wilcox show. Plus, we get to see Amare and his freak of nature knees.
4. I Can’t Believe It’s Not the Spurs: Ah, the Pistons. Solid. Disciplined. Talented. Repetitive. They’re not as nearly as bad as the Spurs, of course, and I actually really enjoy watching all of them play individually. I think we’ve just gotten tired of watching them in the ECF at this point. Anyway, they should beat the crap out of the Heat tonight. Of course, there’s always the Rasheed Wallace ejection drinking game to entertain yourselves.
5. Young, Dumb, and Full of Missed 3 Point Shots: The Sonics play like a young team. Loose, fast, and streaky. KDu has started off with a bang. He attacked the rim a lot last night, silencing critics like myself in regards to his aggressiveness in the NBA on account of his size. If the Sonics are going to have any shot against the Suns, they need to improve their shooting percentages. And maybe Durant shouldn’t shoot threes. Ever.
6. Somebody Get the Guy a Yardstick: While we’re asking him questions, would someone want to tell Yao Ming he’s 7’4”? It’s not that I don’t appreciate that he’s got touch. Or that he’s actually more comfortable a few steps from the basket. But really. You’re just bigger than everyone else. So when pesky shooter teams come within range, don’t you think you might want to inch that big Asian ass closer to the little round hole? Against Boozer, AK, and Okur, they have to get Yao into the paint. Well, I guess there’s our answer.
7. “I Didn’t Even Have to Use My AK, I Gotta Say It Was a Good Day.” Andre Kirilenko is at least trying. That’s one thing you have to appreciate about the malcontents in the NBA. They still show up each time and give it their all. We’ll see if AK can work on the Rockets. On Tuesday, AK went off like everyone was wearing a Jerry Sloan mask (which is way scarier than the Clay Bennett mask). We’ll see if he can get in similar Terminator mode tonight. (Thanks to Super Sonic Soul).
8. Kobe! Again!: Get used to this as long as he’s not traded and we’re running low on games. Last night ESPN reported on a dead deal that would have sent Artest and Wallace to LA, Gordon and PJ Brown to the Kings, and Kobe to Chicago. That deal’s dead. ESPN is reporting that the big piece of the puzzle is Deng. The Laker’s won’t pull the trigger without him in the deal, Kobe won’t pull the trigger with him in the deal. Got to say Kobe’s right here, even if it sounds petulant. The man wants a chance to win now, not rebuild, and losing Deng would seriously hurt the Bulls. There’s only two ways this works out. Buss gives up the hard edge and takes the value deal he can get from the Bulls, or someone else sneaks in the back door. Since we know it won’t be Dallas, well, we’ll get to that later today.
9. “Hey, Guys! Remember me? I’m Grant Hill!”: So, tonight probably wont be the definitive answer on whether the only meaningful offseason acquisition for the Suns (HP Favs) will be the man who can help lead Moses Nash and the boys to the promised land. However, if the Suns team doctors can help Hill the way they have helped Nash and Amare, it should be a step in the right direction. But most importantly, if anyone can telepathically convince the Matrix that being a team with a title shot is better than being “The Man” on some scrub team, its Hill.
10. Mike Jones! What?! I mean…Mike James!: So, of course T-Mac and Yao had great games the other night, but anyone watching the Rockets can see that how Mike James goes, so goes the Rockets. He is a seamless outside shooter who can get the ball to both of the big guns right where they need it. I mean, he ain’t dropping dimes like Kidd or Nash, but he could be the central piece to helping Adelman integrate his offense. Tonight will be a great test for him against one of the best young frontcourts in the league for the Jazz.
11. He’s not fat, he’s a veteran mid-level exception!: This could really be his year. Word on the street is that he has slimmed down, been a total gym rat all offseason, is tenacious on defense and lead the Heat in assists during the preseason. He is going to be the lynchpin in another magical Heat run to the NBA Finals. Even his name singles all tingly shocks running down my spine. Oh wait, what’s that Matt? Walker isn’t with the Heat anymore? Really? C’mon? You mean the man who single handedly led them to the title in 2006? Really? Huh, he’s in Minnesota? Seriously? Damn, well there goes that logic. Never mind. I miss you already Toine.
12.”Hi Boys and Girls! You can call me Uncle Kevin!”: As freakishly good as we think Durant will be, this article has to scare you I’d rather have been a die hard Sonics fan and taken my kids to Clay Bennett’s house for Halloween than to let play video games with KDu. I jest, of course, but that is a weird way for the journalist to play with those quotes. But anyways, KDu should be more fun than sugar rush tonight as he gets to run up and down the court all night against Phoenix. I mean, chasing Phoenix. Which is better than raising Arizona. Which is what Shawn Kemp does. What? One of his kids has to be named Arizona. We’re rambling.
14. “This was the largest auto that I could afford. Am I therefore to be made the subject of fun?”: Alright, we here at HP don’t really care about the Heat. We just want one more chance to show you in the blogosphere this clip. Oh, when will Udonis Haslem be hosting SNL? I can’t wait.
15. Underrated Superstars, That is What You Are: Along with Mike James and Durant, tonight features a slew of rising stars and guys due for big years. Deron Williams, Ronnie Brewer, Rafer Alston, DJ Strawberry, Nick Young, and absolutely no one on the Heat.