Great moments in media stats site descriptions: Boston Celtics edition

So if you’ve never been on the media stats site, it’s pretty cool. It used to have exclusive stuff too I think but now NBA dot com slash stats has pretty much everything you’d ever need if you’re a NERD and care about stats so the media site isn’t as important anymore. The one thing that’s better about the media site is there’s no ads, which, oh wait, now that I think about it makes it way better. NBA dot com slash stats: still cool but not as cool as the media site.

Okay, so anyways. Great moments in media stats site descriptions. What the hell are you talking about, man? All right, so when you want to watch a play on the media stats site, you click on the thing, and the window pops up and you watch the play. Well on the right hand side of the window is a description of whatever play you happen to be watching. Now, 95 percent of the time, it’s just a basic, bland description. It says who took the shot, who had the assist, and what type of shot it was. Most of the time that’s all there is. But every once in a while, whomever writes the descriptions gets bored or something and throws in a bunch of other things.

This is where great moments in media stats site descriptions comes into play. The other day I clicked through every single Boston Celtics made basket from the 2013-2014 season to find the best descriptions I could. Here is what I found.

Jordan Crawford: Clutch


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Tayshaun Prince: Woes

Poor Tayshaun is now experiencing #sadderday after throwing an off-balance pass cross-court that Steezus picked off and took down for a slam.

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Jeff Green: Facial


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Jordan Crawford: Lucky

Smh. Haters gonna hate.

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Gerald Wallace: Power

No one Gerald Wallace cardboard cutout should have all that power.

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Kelly Olynyk: Fadeaway


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Courtney Lee: Fist-bump

Important stuff here. (Also I found no evidence of a Courtney Lee fist-bump in this video but whatever.)

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Terry Stotts: Angry

See, so Coach Stotts thought there should have been an over and back call on the Celtics but the refs disagreed because they thought the ball was deflected so Terry was upset and then Avery Bradley was Avery Gladley that they didn’t make the call and he came down and hit a three so then Terry Stotts was angry.

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Joel Anthony: Milestone

Aw hell yeah.

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Tommy Heinsohn: Funny


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Kelly Olynyk: Smiling


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Gregg Popovich: Sad


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Kris Humphries: Made, Jumper, Buzzer Beater, Celebration, Clutch


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Okay that’s it for now folks. Tune in next time to great moments in media stats site descriptions.

(I don’t know if there will be a next time. Maybe there will be if I don’t get fired for this one, but it kinda took a lot more time than I expected so I don’t know if I even want to do another one. Anyways yeah if there is another one you guys should all definitely at least click on it.)


Jack Maloney


    Now that’s dedication.

  • elcocotero

    I LMAOffed.