Hardwood Paroxysm at Las Vegas Summer League: Day 4

Image courtesy of @NBA

Image courtesy of @NBA

By Jack Maloney: We’re up to 60 fouls in this Clippers-Heat game. Let’s see if we can… zzzzzzzzzzzz.

By Andrew Lynch: Andrew Wiggins is caffeine injected straight into your veins after 108 straight hours with no sleep.

Can you teach me how to Wiggins? (No. Because it can’t be taught. Only Highlander’d.)

By Andrew Lynch: Whoops.

By Brian Schroeder: Yes, the action today is as slow as this thread might indicate. No, I don’t think we’ll make it through this. Russ Smith is fun, though.

By Jack Maloney: YOU GUYS! They were playing YN Rich Kids’ classic, “Hot Cheetos and Takis” in the Thomas and Mack earlier.

By Andrew Lynch: RIP, Bruno Caboclo.

The situation is so confusing that we’re not even entirely sure who got T’d up after the dunk. All we know is that images of the dunk are being withheld until Bruno’s next of kin can be notified. Chin up, though, Bruno. You’ll have plenty of opportunity to dunk on others in the years to come.


By Andrew Lynch: You see some weird things in Las Vegas. This is a truism of the city, and during Summer League, one can expect to double down on its veracity. For instance …

For those unfamiliar with these two gentlemen, Austin Daye’s listed weight is the mass of 14 electrons. Onuaku, on the other hand, is roughly the size of a refrigerator.


By Zachary Bennett: The struggle is real. The grind of Las Vegas Summer League has taken its toll on my body, but we trudge onward all the same. As the first quarter comes to a close inside the Thomas and Mack arena the D-League Selects are prevailing over the Sacramento Kings, but I’m keeping tabs on Ben McLemore– will today be the day he records his first assist in Summer League competition? Heading into the game McLemore had gone 214 minutes without a single assist in this competition, spanning over two summers of play.

By Noam Schiller: Jeremy Tyler is looking extremely comfortable operating out of the left elbow. He made a nice jumper from there in the first quarter and hit cutters with nice passes on two consecutive possessions in the second. He’ll never see an offense run through him in the high post, but for someone historically considered mostly as an athlete/energy guy, this is a nice showing of more intricate skill.

By Andrew Lynch: Sometimes when you’re in Las Vegas, you just have to start making people up.

By Andrew Lynch: Maybe I’d just been lucky to this point.

Las Vegas Summer League is infamous for being a music time warp. There are rumors of an unpublished version of the DSM-V which refers to a little know condition where people relentlessly seek out the stylings of Rob Thomas, Will Smith and other assorted acts from the late-90s and early-aughts. For those people, Las Vegas Summer League is a non-stop morphine drip.

Usually, anyway. Through the first three days, we’d seemingly avoided “Smooth,” “Wild, Wild West,” and cuts from the Space Jam soundtrack. But on Monday, the dam finally broke.

Las Vegas Summer League has officially started. Shammgod help us all.


Hardwood Paroxysm