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Meet the Chicago Les Misera-Bulls

Feb 21, 2014; Chicago, IL, USA; Chicago Bulls point guard Derrick Rose (1) on the bench during the first quarter against the Denver Nuggets at the United Center. Mandatory Credit: Dennis Wierzbicki-USA TODAY Sports

As the Chicago Bulls were busy losing to the Washington Wizards, thus falling behind 2-0 in their series, I was feeling incredibly depressed. And then I made a joke on Twitter.

The rest, as they say, is history. So here is the opening scene to the musical Les Misera-Bulls, staring Derrick Rose and Bulls’ trainer Fred Tedeschi, he of #FredClearedHim fame.

Open on a dark, dreary weight room. DERRICK ROSE slogs through another set of leg exercises. Dramatic music plays.

TITLE CARD: October, 2013

ROSE (singing)
Don’t look down, don’t look down, or else you’ll start to cry. Don’t look down, don’t look down, or else your legs might die.

Rose finishes his exercises and walks down a hallway, ostensibly on his way outside. As he walks past members of the Chicago Bulls training staff sing quietly.

TRAINERS (singing)
Look down, look down, you’re too hurt to play the game. Look down, look down, you’ll never be the same.

As Rose reaches the exit, he’s stopped by head trainer FRED TEDESCHI.

FRED
Retrieve the ball. Then dunk it.

Rose looks up and sees a medicine ball at the far end of a nearby court. He runs, picks it up and dunks it, though it is clearly a struggle. He returns to Fred.

FRED (singing)
Now, Chicago Point Guard Number One, your rehab’s up and your return’s begun. You know what that means?

ROSE (singing)
Yes, it means I’m free!

FRED
No. (resumes singing) Follow to the letter your new workout plan. The scars on your knee will show until you die. It warns you’re injury prone.

ROSE (singing)
I landed wrong but once! The NBA title was in my grasp! We were winning!

FRED (singing)
You won’t win again! Unless you learn the value of your knees!

ROSE (singing)
I learned the value of those 17 months … a slave to my knees.

FRED
10 months for what you tore! The rest because you tried to run! Yes, Point Guard Number One…

ROSE
My name is Derrick Rose!

FRED
And I am Fred! Do not forget my name. Do not forget me, Point Guard Number One.

Rose walks out of the gym as the Trainers sing again.

TRAINERS (singing)
Look down, look down, you’re too hurt to play the game. Look down, look down, you’ll never be the same.

End scene.

Full lyrics to “I Dreamed A Dream” from Les Misera-Bulls available upon request.

Caleb Nordgren

Caleb is a proud Chicagoan still adjusting to life away from the big city. He's a journalism student at Michigan State, the Editor of Pippen Ain't Easy and can be found at any given time on Twitter, talking about basketball and generally being sarcastic.