NBA Oregon Trail: The New York Knicks All Die

Knicks Oregon Trail 2

Waiting for the playoffs to get underway, I found an Apple II Oregon Trail simulator online and decided to take to the trail with the New York Knicks. It went about as well as the 2013-14 Knicks season.

To start, I had to choose my five. For whatever reason, I chose Amar’e as my leader — which as you will see proved to be disastrous. Joining Amar’e on this journey would be JR Smith, Carmelo Anthony, Pablo Prigioni, and Mike Woodson.

The trek got off to a good start. The Knicks had plenty of food, clothes, oxen, and supplies and were cruising down the trail until they encountered their first river. The Knicks would not take a ferry, no, that is too easy. The Knicks are men of great spirit and integrity. They would ford the river.

Admittedly, it could’ve gone better. Poor JR and Pablo didn’t make it, but the Knicks had to push on without them.

Woody would be next to fall victim to the rigors of the Trail.

SOURCES: Carmelo poisoned him.

Woody would not last much longer.

Amar’e and Carmelo were now on their own, and trouble was still lurking.

Melo would survive, but with Amar’e at the helm, things began to fall apart.

  It only got worse. Without Woody — who would not have sat here and talked about losing the trail — the Knicks went off the tracks.

Eventually, Carmelo would succumb to the Trail, leaving only Amar’e to trek on.

It was at this point that the game got waaaaayyyy too realistic.

Like…scarily realistic.

At this point, the game just started openly mocking poor Amar’e.

Somehow, Amar’e was still alive, fighting his way down the Oregon Trail all by himself with a broken leg, broken arm, and cholera. Even still, Amar’e could hunt. OH COULD HE HUNT.

Amar’e was all alone, injured, and directionless.

It continued to go downhill for poor Amar’e.

Those damned bad knees…

Amar’e was off the rails.

Eventually, Amar’e would be unable to continue. After all of his broken bones and illnesses, he was done in by…inadequate grass?


Robby Kalland

Robby covers college football for Cox Media and formerly covered the Atlanta Hawks for Hawks.com and SB Nation. He once broke a roulette table in half with Anthony Tolliver and was given a bottle of wine by Johan Petro in the same night.