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15-Footer, 11/14/13: #2Gamez, or “Now That’s What I Call Basketball!”

Just the TNT doubleheader on the slate tonight, but we’ve got a couple of pretty, pretty good games to entertain us on this fine November evening.

So I’m going out of my way to totally ruin them by comparing each team to a song from the original U.S. release of Now That’s What I Call Music! (h/t to Rebecca Lawson at Mavs Moneyball, who ran down the Mavericks roster and compared its players to ’90s songs a couple weeks ago.)

You’re welcome? To the games!

Houston Rockets at New York Knicks (8:00 PM, TNT)

Houston Rockets: Everclear – I Will Buy You A New Life

This was supposed to be the year that the full force of the Houston Rockets would be brought to bear on a league that couldn’t handle the synergy of James Harden and Dwight Howard. The Rockets didn’t really buy their new life, but there’s definitely a grass-is-greener feel to this song, and Houston’s failed to live up to expectations in the early going. But they’ve also been shuffling their lineups and dealing with Harden’s foot injury, which sidelined him last night against Philadelphia and threatens to keep him out against New York.

Don’t listen to the people who tell you that Howard is the root of all evil, Houston. You’ll figure this all out, and then you’ll be living in that big house way up in the West Hills. And don’t get jealous of other teams and start shopping Omer Asik for pennies on the dollar. Trust Daryl Morey. Trust Kevin McHale. Trust your players. Things will get better. At least, they better — you can never look back.

New York Knicks: Backstreet Boys – As Long As You Love Me

Hey, did you hear that the Rockets’ Jeremy Lin used to play in New York? Apparently that’s something people are talking about, especially after Lin had himself one hell of a game last night, and the Knicks, well, the Knicks keep on Knicks-ing.

It’s an unfortunate bit of pining for the past on the part of New York fans, but it’s understandable. All they want is to recapture the glory and the innocence of the infinitely enjoyable days of Linsanity. They just want to know that they’re loved, regardless of what has changed.

Well, a deep playoff run would be nice, too. But baby steps, people. Let’s start with love.*

*For the sake of my Knicks fan friends, I won’t mention brotherly love. It’s just not fair.

Oklahoma City Thunder at Golden State Warriors (10:30 PM, TNT)

Oklahoma City Thunder: Spice Girls – Say You’ll Be There

Remember when people would talk about how Russell Westbrook was weighing the Thunder down and not allowing Kevin Durant to reach his full potential? Those were fun times, right?

…okay, maybe not. Somtimes, Westbrook and Durant are going to be basketball-playing friends. Sometimes, they’re going to seem like they don’t exactly fit together perfectly. But in the end, all that really matters is that they’re there for each other, and for the Thunder. As long as they’re both healthy, Oklahoma City is going to be a championship contender.

#LetWestbrookBeWestbrook. #KDisNotNice. Other hash tags.

Golden State Warriors: K-Ci and JoJo – All My Life

Are the Warriors the perfect team? With their eminently watchable offense, the cool stylings of multi-positional Andre Iguodala, the paint prowling of Andrew Bogut and the flamethrower capabilities of Steph Curry and Klay Thompson, I struggle to come up with a collection of talent and skill sets that’s better suited for today’s NBA. Sure, you could ask for a few tweaks here and there, but learning to live with somebody for the rest of your life is all about accepting their shortcomings, as small as they might be.

Where have you been all my life, Golden State? And won’t you stay a while?

(Special shoutout to @thenolookpass and @itsjonsantiago, who gave a rousing rendition of All My Life at the 2013 Las Vegas Summer League TrueHoop Network Karaoke Extravaganza.)

Andrew Lynch

When God Shammgod created the basketball universe, Andrew Lynch was there. His belief in the superiority of advanced statistics and the eventual triumph of expected value-based analytics stems from the fact that he’s roughly as old as the concept of counting. With that said, he still loves the beauty of basketball played at the highest level — it reminds him of the splendor of the first Olympics — and the stories that spring forth from the games, since he once beat Homer in a game of rock-paper-scissors over a cup of hemlock. Dude’s old.