0

15-Footer, 11/7/13: Free Association For A Three-Game Slate

More free association coming at your eyeballs, this time courtesy of myself and Mr. Robby “Don’t Call Me R. Kelly Because My Name’s R. Kally And That’s Totally Different” Kalland.

Jean-Ralphio would be proud, even if technically he’s homeless.

Los Angeles Clippers at Miami Heat (7:00 PM, TNT)

Prompts by Andrew, responses by Robby

Defense - Offensive. The Clippers’ defense has been miserable early this season allowing 109.3 points per game, to the dismay of Doc Rivers. The Heat have been a little better than the Clippers, but FDM.EXE is not running at full capacity…yet.

Chris Bosh - BJOOSH. The greatest closed-captioning typo ever that I saw during Game One of last year’s Finals.

JJ Redick - Underrated. Redick’s become a really good overall player in the league, but is still trying to shake off the stigma of being the designated “White three-point shooter” for the Clippers. Happy he’s landed on a good team where his talents will be on display.

Coaches - Two of the best. I feel weird calling a Clippers coach one of the best but Doc certainly is, and Spoelstra doesn’t get the credit he deserves for the job he’s done in Miami.

Blake Griffin – Commercials. I see this man in approximately 37 commercials each day. Related: I could go for some Subway right now.

Atlanta Hawks at Denver Nuggets (9:00 PM)

Prompts by Robby, responses by Andrew

Brian Shaw Lineups – M.C. Escher. Everything folds in on itself and results in endless feedback loops and nothing makes sense, but the artist swears there’s a method to his madness. If Shaw starts dabbling in fractal geometry, maybe then his lineups will stop being so confusing. But probably not.

Pal Horsap – The greatest portmanteau of two NBA player names in the history of ever. The day before yesterday, I said that Al Horford and Paul Millsap (or Pal Horsap. Get it?!) were Batman and not-quite-as-efficient-but-still-really-good Batman instead of Batman and Robin. But Pal Horsap is even better. Pal Horsap forever.

JaVale McGee – Fun. Am I allowed to just look at an NBA player and see fun personified? JaVale seems like a really goofy guy, and I think I’d want to be friends with him. And everything he does on the basketball court entertains me. He’s just fun.

Kenneth Faried – 

Pero Antic - Macedonian Carlos Boozer. He will always be M.C.B. to me.

Los Angeles Lakers at Houston Rockets (9:30 PM, TNT)

Prompts by Andrew, responses by Robby

THE RETURN (EXCEPT IT’S IN HOUSTON) - I don’t care. He played one year in LA, chose to go to a different (better) team, but…it’s Dwight. The Dwightmare is never ending. Long live the Dwightmare.

James Harden - Explosive. Harden has one of the fastest first steps in the game and can explode at the rim. He’s fun to watch, like this entire Rockets’ team.

Nick Young riding a jetski - Swaggy Ski. Make this happen, put it on Vine, and I’ll just dance like Coolio in excitement. http://twitpic.com/dhepko

Steve Nash - Wizard (Not of the Washington variety). Wizards are old and crafty and do things normal people can’t, thus, Nash is a wizard.

Omer Asik’s Adam’s apple - Massive protuberance.

Andrew Lynch

When God Shammgod created the basketball universe, Andrew Lynch was there. His belief in the superiority of advanced statistics and the eventual triumph of expected value-based analytics stems from the fact that he’s roughly as old as the concept of counting. With that said, he still loves the beauty of basketball played at the highest level — it reminds him of the splendor of the first Olympics — and the stories that spring forth from the games, since he once beat Homer in a game of rock-paper-scissors over a cup of hemlock. Dude’s old.