So Andrew and I decided to get a little goofy with the 15-Footer for this evening and do some free association. Jean-Ralphio would be proud.
Enjoy the games.
Miami Heat at Toronto Raptors (7:00 PM)
(Words provided by Jordan, answers by Andrew)
Udonis Haslem: Outlier. Haslem’s been an important piece for Miami, but I’m not sure that he really makes sense in today’s NBA anymore. Which makes me sad.
Greg Oden: Luxury. It’d be nice for the Heat if Oden could body up Roy Hibbert and Brook Lopez in the playoffs, but they’re not going to live or die on his contributions.
Rudy Gay: Maligned. Fairly or unfairly, Gay gets a lot of crap for his shortcomings, though that’s countered to some extent by the counterpoint that Memphis has missed him since his departure. Which I don’t agree with, but whatever.
Dwight Buycks: Variance. If Buycks has a good game or two, he stands a chance of sticking in the league. But if a few bounces go against him, he might be back in the D-League sooner than he’d like.
Utah Jazz at Brooklyn Nets (7:30 PM)
Restricted free agency: Tricky. Utah played a dangerous game by not locking up Gordon Hayward early, and now they stand the risk of either overpaying for him or losing him outright.
Brook Lopez: Comic books
Jason Kidd: ? Seriously, a question mark. I have no idea if the intriguing concept of Jason Kidd: Head Coach will become reality, or if his hiring will prove to be little more than an ill-fated celebrity grab.
Indiana Pacers at Detroit Pistons (7:30 PM)
Roy Hibbert: Parks and Recreation. Also, Vertical Horizon, because, you know, verticality. Also, on an entertainment level, I’m now very confused.
Smoove: Over-under-over-under-inside-out-rated. I have no idea what the consensus on Smoove is anymore. People hate him. People love him. People want to throw milkshakes at him. I don’t get it.
Paul George: John Ringo. I can’t not associate him with the Beatles. It’s impossible.
Free throws: Efficiently boring. They’re a great way to make the most of a possession, but if I’m re-watching a game, the only way I’m not fast-forwarding through them is if there’s a chance for an airball.
Charlotte Bobcats at New York Knicks (7:30 PM)
Bismack Biyombo: *sigh* Once exciting, now just another sad case of potential unrealized.
2-PG lineups: Dubin. Because two-point-guard-lineups are Jared’s favorite types of lineups.
Al Jefferson and Kembla Walker playing doubles tennis: Money. Take all of mine so I can watch this.
Phoenix Suns at New Orleans Pelicans (8:00 PM)
Anthony Davis: Biomechanical pterodactyl equipped with laser talons (do pterodactyls even have talons? THIS ONE DOES) and heat-seeking vision.
WHY DRAGIC WHY: Nancy Kerrigan.
Tanking: In desperate need of a rebranding. If I were a marketing executive, I’d build an advertising campaign centered on “creative rebuilding through alternative perspectives.”
Monty Williams: Monty have it all, because Monty have Anthony Davis.
Los Angeles Lakers at Dallas Mavericks (8:30 PM, NBATV)
Nick Young as a Transformer: Starscream
Dirk Nowitzki — Pope?: Yes.
Pau Gasol: Excuses. From playing with Dwight Howard to various injuries, it seems as if, lately, we’ve been coming up with excuses as to why Pau hasn’t been the Pau of a few years ago.
Jae Crowder: Not a big chowder fan but I would pay for a permanent table at CROWDER’S CHOWDERS
San Antonio Spurs at Denver Nuggets (9:00 PM)
Pop: The greatest of all-time. I don’t even care. Deal with it, Phil Jackson.
JJ Hickson: Infinitely regressing .gifs of laughter interspersed with Neil deGrasse Tyson reactions gifs. But seriously, he’s the answer in Denver!
Anthony Randolph: Can you imagine if someone combined Anthony Davis and Zach Randolph into a tyrannical monarch of the NBA? …I think I might be obsessed with Anthony Davis.
Pace: I assume you don’t mean salsa. But yes, please. Give me all of the pace. The more possessions, the better.
Houston Rockets at Portland Trailblazers (10:00 PM)
James Harden’s defense: /vomits
LaMarcus Aldridge: under-appreciated. You know Aldridge is good. You know he can score in a plethora of ways, from his turnaround on the block to his defense-stretching jumpshot. You know these things, but you don’t really appreciate them until you watch it.
Chandler Parson’s hair: Perfect. Flawless. Divine. Mesmerizing. All of these, and more.
Robin Lopez: Place. Lopez has found his place in the league. This is not in reference to a physical place, but more his place in the grand scheme of the league. His role, if you will. Good for him.
Atlanta Hawks at Sacramento Kings (10:00 PM)
McLemore’s Jumpshot: I want to believe. It hasn’t really been dropping for him in his limited time so far, but the more consistent it is, the more it’ll open up driving lanes for him. And that’s what I really want to see.
Here We Stay: I’m not a wrestling fan, but isn’t there a current wrestler (Daniel Bryan, maybe?) whose gimmick is saying “Yes! Yes! Yes!”? Because that’s how I feel about Here We Stay.
Millsap/Horford: Not quite Batman and Robin, because that relegates Millsap to a smaller role than I’m comfortable ascribing to him. Maybe Batman and other-not-quite-as-effective-Batman?
SCHRÖDER: Um, lot of love for Dennis from you. YES. NAILED IT.