Hardwood Paroxysm’s deep and versatile crew of writers previews the upcoming NBA season in the most HP way imaginable: a 221-page opus featuring three sections on each of the 30 teams, seven additional long form articles, eight roundtable discussions, nine original pieces of art, and all the witty jokes and puns your heart can handle.
Don’t come around here if you’re looking for the usual analysis, wanting the little blurbs, the same constantly-trodden-out analysis. This is for the freaks. The hoop heads. The basketball obsessed. The #LeaguePassAlert hounds and the #KnicksTape listeners.
This is for true basketball fans to understand the style and flow of the league – the nova nights and the wack fantasy. This is for the ones who text their friends at 11PM to let them know that West Coast wing is having one of those nights. This is for the dudes sneaking away from their work at their desk to check trade machines and read rumor reports.
This is for people who love basketball.
Welcome to the Paroxysm.
If the Kindle is more your speed, we’ve got you covered, too. Just click here. (Note: We tried to charge $0.99 on Kindle, but Amazon won’t let us. It’s a $1.99 minimum for an e-book of this size. Sorry.)
Almost all of the proceeds from this preview are going towards the costs of our recent site redesign; you know, so you guys can do things like “read it on mobile” and “not vomit when you see how things are formatted.” Beyond that, they’re going towards helping out some of our writers with medical bills. In short, it’s not like Matt, Jared, or Amin is going to be popping Cristal with J.R. Smith or buying a new cat to make GIFs of. You can rest assured that somewhere around 95 of your 99 cents is going towards a good cause (the rest is going towards a season-long supply of Pepto for Matt).