Roy Hibbert and Chelsea Peretti Are Best Friends 4 Eva

Roy and Chelsea Besties by Tim Severson (@TheWagofMutombo)

 

Since Roy Hibbert’s acting debut on NBC’s Parks and Recreation, we have all witnessed his everlasting friendship with comedian and former Parks&Rec writeter Chelsea Peretti.

The two often meet up when Hibbert takes on the Lakers or Clippers in Los Angeles, and as a result, their exploits have been well-documented. Last year, the duo hit up Roscoe’s Chicken and Waffles followed by Jamaican Gold Night at the nearby club. Their backs-and-forths on Twitter are great comedy in themselves, and when the two get on the mic together–like they did in September on Episode 89 of the NBA Hangtime podcast–greatness happens.

Recently, Hibbert called into Chelsea’s podcast ‘Call Chelsea Peretti,’ and the two discussed such relevant topics as favorite childhood shows and NBA hairstyles.

You can listen their conversation (it starts at the 37-minute mark), but since this was such an ultra-important conversation, I transcribed and storyboarded it with the help of the photographic genius of Tim Severson:

Chelsea Peretti: This is Roy Hibbert, plays for the Pacers, one of my best friends…
Roy Hibbert: Besties!
C: (Laughs)…in the world. One of my closest confidantes. You know If anything bad happens, there we are, crying on the phone like two babies. When good things happen, you know, we buy each other houses and stuff. It’s crazy. We are the closest friends you can conceive of.
R: I mean it’s so crazy. Like I seriously wept in your arms after the last episode of Lost. I did not know what was going on, and you had to explain it to me.
C: I know. And I barely understood it myself, and both of my arms fell off due to the weight of your massive body.
R: I was an emotional mess that night.
C: You were. You are generally a very emotional person. [Roy laughs] Right? I don’t know. Listen, did you have a hero that you wanted to talk about, Roy?
R: I mean, I’m not going with the cliche Martin Luther King, Jr. I am not going with the cliche, you know. Obviously my parents did a lot for me but I’m not going to lie, I feel like as a kid growing up I wanted to be like the Green Ranger. I think he was like a hero in my life. Like the Power Ranger. I wanted to be like him doing all of the martial arts. I even joined karate so I could learn to become you know a martial arts expert.
C: That’s crazy!
R: I got kicked out because I didn’t know my left from my right when I was a little kid so I didn’t go back.
C: I never watched the Power Rangers, Roy so I don’t know–
R: Are you serious? That was like–I had all of the Zords and all the stuff. I used to rush home after school just to see the cartoons and stuff like that. Who didn’t?
C: Well I didn’t, OK? I wasn’t allowed to watch that much TV. I was only allowed to watch one show a week, and it was not going to be The Power Rangers.
R: What was your show? Bobby’s World or something like that?
C: Well, first of all if we are going to go with animated stuff, I was into stuff like Jem. You know?
R: Who?
C: Jem: Truly Outrageous? Ring any bells?
R: I didn’t have cable tv as a kid so I don’t even know what that is.

Play Goofy Golf by Tim Severson (@TheWagofMutombo)

C: OK. Well I don’t even know if that was on cable. Jem was for like girls, you know? She was like a singer something. You know I also liked The Smurfs.
R: So you were like a Smurfette? What were Smurfs to begin with? What are their genealogy? I don’t know what those people were, and why was that one person trying to eat them?
C: Gargamel?
R: Like how do they taste that good? You know?
C: I mean those were all the things that made the show so riveting. That’s why it was such compelling tv. What was the draw with The Power Rangers? What was so cool about the Green Ranger?
R: I mean, he was different. He was like the badass of the group. He had a pony tail.
C: You should do it!
R: He just stood out a little bit more. I mean obviously, I saw all of the Power Rangers movies when I was a kid. I was a geek, too; I am not going to lie. He was doing the back flips and all other stuff. I tried that and was just too tall and went home sad.
C: Roy, I really think that you could rock a pony tail.  I think it would make a lot of waves in the NBA. If you really worked on growing your hair out, and then you got a perm and you wore it in a low ponytail. I think people would be talking.
R: I would be a trendsetter.
C: Yeah, people would talk.
R: We should do this more enough. We don’t do this enough. You know the fire side chat?
C: I know!
R: Me and you. Like the good old days. You know wear our Bill Cosby sweaters on and just talk, you know?
C: I think you should do it. It will revolutionize the whole NBA. There needs to be a new style going on.
R: I know all of these guys wearing like skinny jeans, glasses with no frames in it and stuff like that. That’s been in the past. I’m going to start something new here.
C: Yeah what could be the next new thing? Everyones got tattoos, people dress like hipsters. Everyones got those horrible beards. You know what you could start is the NBA ponytail.
R: A ponytail but you have to have some sort of eyewear, and I’m going with the monocle. I would be the first one to rock a monocle like Mr. Peanut or the Monopoly guy.
C: [Laughs] I think that would inhibit your ball play. Wouldn’t you have to hold the monocle? You would get ejected from games.
R: I mean it is a sacrifice I have to make to start a trend, to make it happen.
C: Or you could just do it during press conferences or while you are on the bench you can watch the game with a monocle.
R: Yeah I’m all for it.

Monocle Man by Tim Severson (@TheWagofMutombo)

C: That’s cool. Anna Wintour would be all over you. I think you should do it.
R: Who?
C: Anna Wintour. You know?
R: Who’s that?
C: Shes that fashion lady. Remember The Devil Wears Prada? You have seen every movie and TV show.
R: I don’t watch girlie movies like that.
C: Whoa!
R: I have never seen that.
C: Alright, well this phone is about to die, but I am so glad you called.
R: You better come to my game when we play in LA. Seriously that would be the spot. Go back to Roscoe Chicken and Waffles. No Jamaican gold night or anything like that.

Hopefully you can tell from this quick conversation that ‘Call Chelsea Peretti’ should be in your regular listening rotation.

Let us hope Hibbert leads the charge to bring the ponytail into the mainstream in the NBA. It will be a difficult road as Joakim Noah’s ponytail hasn’t prompted others to copy his hairstyle, but perhaps Hibbert could be the trendsetter–especially by adding the monocle. Either way you have to give Hibbert some credit from trying to spice things up.

Ananth Pandian

Ananth Pandian is "A Free Born Man of the USA". Follow him on Twitter: @Ananth_Pandian