Lion Face/Lemon Face 3/2/12: Stuff Your Sorries in a SSAC

Matt: Hey Ben, did you hear?
Ben: What?
Matt: There’s this really neat sports analytics conference happening in our hometown this weekend!
Ben: Oh, that’s awesome. Should be a good time.
Matt: Yeah, should be.

End Scene

Today’s highlights and lowlights will feature names of some fake SSAC research papers. Enjoy!

Lion Face: Organic Chemistry: How We Make Alley-Oops Look Natural

Lemon Face: Building Blocks: Steps on How to Avoid In-Game Humiliation

Lion Face: The OKC Model: Just Let Kevin Durant Play Basketball, OK?
38 points on 12-21 shooting. 5 of 8 three pointers. 9 for 9 at the stripe. 8 rebounds here, 3 assists there. I think I should at least read the abstract for this one.

Lemon Face: Nash Equilibrium: How Steve Nash Continues to Look Better than Other Point Guards
Ricky, Ricky, Ricky. We were looking forward to your matchup against Nash. How did you do? 13 points, 2 assists, and 0-2 from 3 in 31 minutes? But Steve couldn’t have… Oh, he had 17 assists you say? Well, then. Chin up.

Lion Face: Applications of Bernoulli’s Principle in My Hamstrings, by Blake Griffin

Amin Vafa

Amin grew up in Cleveland, lives in DC, and somehow still manages to love watching professional basketball.