15 Footer 12.7.09: Happy Allen Iverson Day

Four games on the schedule or on the sched as Tas Melas would say. And it’s a pretty good plate of games at that too. There are two sure-fire games that will start and end the night properly and there are two games that could either be extremely entertaining or at worst, duds that are carried by great individual performances.

Freeeeeeeeeeeeedommmmmmmmmmmm!!!!!! (Nuggets at 76ers, 7:00PM EST on NBATV)

I TiVoed the future this morning, fast forwarded through the afternoon soaps and caught a few minutes of Maury Povich (three not-the-fathers and one you-ARE-the-father). I did this so I could give you Allen Iverson’s pregame speech to his new old team, the Philadelphia 76ers. It went something like the above:

“This is OUR team, Allen. To join it, you must give us shots.” – Andre Iguodala.

“I give shots to Philly. And if this is YOUR team, why does it sign me? “ – Allen Iverson.

“We didn’t come here to play with you.” – Willie Green.

“And the Nuggets are too good!” – Sammy Dalembert.

“76ers of Philly, I am Allen Iverson.” – Iverson.

“Allen Iverson is 6’2”!” – Jrue Holiday.

“Yes, I’ve heard. Takes shots by the hundreds. And if he were here, he’d destroy the Nuggets by 20 points with crossover dribbles from his eyes and three-point plays from his arse. I AM Allen Iverson! And I see a whole roster of athletic freaks… and of course, you too, Willie Green… here in the defiance of losing. You’ve come to play as winners and winners you are. What will you do without wins? Will you play in the halfcourt?” – Iverson

“Play in the halfcourt against that? No. We will run. And we will keep pace.” – Jason Kapono.

“Aye, play halfcourt and you may lose. Run and you may keep pace – at least a while. And signing autographs at a Read To Achieve event many months from now, would you be willing to trade all of your points from this day to that for a chance, JUST ONE CHANCE, to come back here and tell Denver that they may push the tempo but they’ll never take this victory! – Iverson. (Everyone thinks it over as Iverson doesn’t get the rousing roar he expected from his new teammates)

“No, we want to run with them. We don’t want to give the ball up for you to prove you still have it.” – Thad Young anti-climactically responds.

“Well, f%$k it; I’m still on the team anyway. Pass me the ball.” – Iverson.

IN THE YEAR 3000…….. (Blazers at Knicks, 7:30PM EST)


- In the year 3000, Greg Oden will play a full season of Hall of Fame basketball, showing he was the true top pick of the 2007 draft. He will garner MVP honors and Defensive Player of the Year all in the same season. He will then turn of his XBOX 360 and go to his daily physical therapy.

– In the year 3000, Chris Duhon will lead the Knicks in points per game, assists per game, and game-winning shots as he brings New York back to respectability. Mike D’Antoni and Donnie Walsh will profusely thank Joe Johnson for changing his name to Chris Duhon.

– In the year 3000, LaMarcus Aldridge will lead the NBA in rebounding as he uses his god-given size, length and athleticism to his full potential. He will then retire as the greatest player in NBA China’s history.

– In the year 3000, LeBron James will play for the New York Knicks and turn the Madison Square Garden into more of a who’s-who type of nightly event than a mortuary where Knicks fans reflect on what used to be. Spike Lee will then turn off his XBOX 360 and go watch Amare Stoudemire limp through his six-rebound, max contract performance for the Knicks.

How can you be so obtuse? (Warriors at Thunder, 8:00PM EST)


One of the more startling moments of Shawshank Redemption is when Andy Dufresne tells the warden about the story of the inmate at another prison confessing to the murder of Andy’s wife and her affair (not trying to channel my inner-Simmons, it’s just that this movie has been on recently and I’ve watched it three times in two days). The warden seems to not take it seriously and Andy asks him how the warden can be so obtuse about the situation. Well, the warden punishes him by killing the man who brought this confession to light and by throwing Andy in solitary confinement for two straight months. I feel like this is a similar situation between the Thunder and Warriors. The Thunder have shown the reality of how you can be a successful rebuilding team by drafting properly, managing your money well, and bringing in a coach that gets how to utilize the strength of his roster. Meanwhile, the Warriors are throwing dozens of millions of dollars to their sixth man that nobody in the city likes, trying to turn Brandan Wright and Anthony Randolph into anything other than the next Troy Murphy-Ike Diogu combination and they’re letting Don Nelson ruin any hope this fan base had while a few games from Keith Smart seemed to revitalize the entire city.

How can Chris Cohan be so obtuse?

This is just like Apollo Creed versus Rocky, only without all that greatness (Spurs at Jazz, 8:30PM EST)

I feel like these two teams will trade haymaker after haymaker, pound each other within an inch of their respective lives and both be trying to get up from a ten-count before the other one is considered knocked out and the loser of this contest. At the same time, you’ve got teams like the Nuggets, Suns, and Lakers looking on in the West and seeing this as an absolute undercard match. Remind me why I keep thinking that these two teams are better than they actually are? Somebody? Anybody?

Seth Carstens