Lion Face/Lemon Face – 12.06.09

I’m embbedding Matt Damon. (He’s embedding Matt Damon.) I’m sorry but it’s true. I’m embedding Matt Damon. (He’s embedding Matt Damon.) I’m not imagining it’s you. I’m embedding Matt Damon. (On the bed … on the floor … on a towel by the door … in the tub … in the car … up against the mini-bar).

I’m embedding Matt Damon.

Lemon Face – God

I don’t even believe in you, and even I think you’re a pretty big douchebag today. Seriously? What did Greg Oden ever do to you? Sorry, Portland. And, wait … you also set up a situation where Yi Jianlian, who was just about to be healthy enough to come back and help the lowly Nets, took an elbow from a teammate in practice where it took 50 stitches to close a “cut” on his lip? 50 stitches? How is that even a possible number to have in a lip. Meanwhile, you just sat back and watched as Danny Granger went down with a re-aggravated heel injury that forced him back to the locker room and out of yesterday’s game with the Clippers? Jesus Your son, dude. Please, by all means take Sunday off. I think, you’ve done quite enough for the week.

Lion Face – When God Gives You Lemons, You Paint that S*** Gold

Brandon Roy supplied one of the bittersweetest victories in NBA history last night with some late-game heroics after Greg Oden left on a stretcher. On the same night that Portland fans were forced to see their chances for this season literally carried off the floor, they got to see just how special it all could have been. Roy took his remarkable game up like eight notches late in the fourth, pouring in two spectacular potentially game-winning shots, with the second one being the more amazing of the two and actually winning the game. Anyone who still considers Brandon to be merely in the third tier of NBA stars down with the likes of Joe Johnson and Danny Granger is not watching closely enough and/or sadly mistaken. He’s really not that far behind the Unassailable Five (Bron, Kobe, CP3, Flash, Dwight). And seeing that fact displayed so prominently on a night when we also saw Oden’s broken knee cap protruding so prominently just makes this whole thing all the more tragic. Injuries are the worst thing in sports. (Aside from Andres Nocioni, natch.)

Lemon Face – Allah

Seriously, dude? Why?

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Lion Face – Standing Tall Among Typos?

A’m’a’r’e’ grabbed 21 rebounds? In an NBA game? On purpose? No way. Shut up.

Lemon Face – Somebody Send Vinny of the Black on a Boat Ride

I really hope you’re happy with yourself, Del Negro. You’ve taken the player I most wanted to watch dump cauldrons of volcanic liquid magma on the league every night and you put him in a Chicago offense that I cannot bear to let play on my television set for fear it might break. How is it possible for Derrick Rose to be on a team that scores 14 points in a quarter? Ok. Stuff happens. Sometimes the ball just doesn’t go down. But that 14-point quarter came just twelve minutes after a 16-point quarter. Against the Raptors. The Toronto Raptors. The historically bad-defense-having Toronto Raptors. Of Canada. Alright, Vinny, it’s over between me and you. You’re nothing to me now. You’re not a player I used to like, you’re not a friend. I don’t want to know you or what you do. I don’t want to see you at the United Center. I don’t want you near my house. When you play the Pacers, I want to know a day in advance, so I won’t be there. You understand? (Also, nice game once again, Chris Bosh. 25 points and 12 boards on just 12 shots.)

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Lion Face – For Minny, No More Hell on Earth (Front Lines)

Ryan Gomes repped the Twin City faithfully, leaving a foul taste in Jerry Sloan’s mouth like Guinness while powering the T-Wolves to their third win of the year with his 9/10 shooting and 23 points. Game-high +15 for the kid, too, who was helped by double-doubles from both Al Jeff and Kevin Love (who is now 2-for-2 in dub-dubs after playing his second game of the season). This front line seems to be back to nearly full strength, which is a great thing for both Minny fans and people like me who never, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever want to see Ryan Hollins play 29 minutes in an NBA game again.

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Lemon Face – The Clippers and Pacers Can Never Play Again

I bored you with Pacer offense talk yesterday so I won’t do it again. But just know that (a) they were even worse last night against the Clippers than they were the night before against the Jazz, and (b) this was the second sub-DLeague-level game these two teams have played in the past two weeks. A simple listing of the FG%s for the two teams in both games is all you need to know.

Game 1: Pacers 37.6%, Clippers 32.2%
Game 2: Pacers 37.5%, Clippers 34.9%

So, yeah, the Pacers and Clippers can never play again. I put it to a vote and the decision was unanimous: 1-0.

Lion Face – Groundhog Day 2003

Even in defeat, we gotta note how good Tim Duncan looked last night. He finished with 26 points on just 12 shots (10/12 FGs, 6/7 FTs) to go with his 4 blocks. And most of that came before the 4th quarter even started. He looked like old school Duncan and it was a glorious sight.

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Lemon Face – Spurs Ball Control/4th Quarter

Despite Timmmmmaaaay’s best efforts, the Spurs coughed up a game they had been leading throughout, mainly due to sloppy passing and ball handling on their way to 19 turnovers, which Denver exploited to turn into 23 points. Carmelo was the other reason the Nuggs pulled this one out, as always, catapulting them to a franchise best start of 15-5. Melo dropped 22 in the second half, which is something he pretty much does blindfolded these days. He’s unreal. If you’re not watching at least one Denver game a week, I just don’t know what to tell you.

Lion Face – Congratulations, Mostly for Still Existing

Willie Green is still in the NBA? Who knew? And what’s Boris Diaw doing hitting threes?

Lemon Face – Horses & Birds

Thanks a lot for that terrible, terrible game, Mavs and Hawks. I was looking forward to that all week and you just both go out and defecate all over yourselves. It’s official: me and everyone else not named Willie Green really, really wishes that Saturday just never happened.

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Seth Carstens