Lion Face/Lemon Face 11.27.09 : Black Friday Edition

My grandma is a terrible cook. So I used to cringe whenever we were going to have Thanksgiving dinner at her house and always gave a fist pump when I found out it was going to be at my parents’ house.

When there was a back and forth discussion between my grandma and my mom in which one would say, “we’ll have it at my house,” and the other responded with, “no, no, we’ll have it at our house,” and they kept alternating their offerings, I usually had an internal battle of sadness and happiness that looked something like this:

Lion Face: Dwight Howard
Marey Carey was right; this guy is huge. Dwight Howard dominated the paint against the Hawks and took over the second half in which the Magic took complete control of a game that looked hopeless for the Orlando faithful. Dwight scored 16 points in the second half of this game. He had 10 rebounds in the second half. He used the left-handed hook shot. He used the drop step. He grabbed boards. He changed shots. He peeled potatoes and then mashed them. He made real cranberry sauce after he saw that people were just squeezing theirs out of the can. He stopped watching Funny People after the first hour in order to make sure he was entertained by the movie. He made Tom Hanks get a haircut after he saw Angels and Demons. He also did this:

Lemon Face: Hawks Second Half Everything
Outkast asked it once but I’ll ask it again: what’s cooler than being cool? That’s right – ice cold. Well, the Hawks were ice cold in the second half and gave this game away. In the first half, they were handling the Magic by scoring inside, making the extra pass, and knocking down three-pointers. In the second half, they forced it inside when it wasn’t there. They made just one of their last nine three-point attempts. They went to the free throw line just seven times in the entire game with only one of those coming in the fourth quarter. Orlando made 11 shots in the third quarter; the Hawks made 11 in the second half. They were outrebounded 34-16 in the last 24 minutes of this game. Hell, Anthony Johnson outscored them in the fourth quarter!!!!

Lion Face: Anthony Johnson…wait, THAT Anthony Johnson?
15 fourth quarter points for Anthony Johnson! What in the name of a broken down Jason Kidd giving up 40 to AJ in a playoff game is going on here? I understand the idea of giving Anthony Johnson whatever he wants and if he beats you then he beats you but at the same time, that only works if you’re scoring more points than him as a team.

Lemon Face: My Ability to Watch A Second Game After Gorging Myself
Too…much…food…tryptophan…setting…in…can’t….concentrate…on…anything…HOLY CRAP WE HAVE AN EXTRA ROLL…TNT…blowout…putting…me…to…sleep…zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Lion Face: Carlos Boozer
28 points on 12/14 shooting? Eight rebounds, five assists, and three blocks? Three blind people reporting their wallets were taken during the game? Now, that’s the Carlos Boozer in a contract season that we all know and love!

Lemon Face: Day After Shopping
As someone who worked in a mall for years and can assure you that working in retail is worse torture than any waterboarding, let me tell you that the day after Thanksgiving sales are NOT worth it. Sure, there are a couple of amazing deals on limited quantities of big ticket items but people are a horrible brand of animal and will run over you if they find out they get free batteries with a TV remote. Just stay in, give it a week or two and wait for the second wave of sales. Trust me; they’re coming.

Lion Face: Joakim Noah Elbows Lead to Joakim Noah Dunks
“Hey Mehmet, is it true you’re FROM TURKEY?” – Noah
“Yes.” – Okur.
“Well, Happy Thanksgiving!” – Noah

Seth Carstens