It’s All Marbury’s Fault


What’s up, Doc. I just came over here to tell you to watch out for that falling anvil coming straight for you head. Oops, too late. KERSPLAT!

Yep. I said it. Every post I’ve written, you’ve all called me stupid. Wrong. A moron (OK, I agree with that one). Smug. Hateful. Hell-bent on bringing down a career.

Well, dear readers, let me tell you this. Since Stephon Marbury has been in Boston they have had no chance of regaining the #1 seed in the East, Ray Allen punched a guy in the nerds, Mikki Moore has become a necessary part of the rotation, Rajon Rondo now cries himself to sleep at night and The Sports Guy has spent no less that 489,000 words convincing himself that Marbury could be “the greatest late season acquisition of all time. Ainge does it again!”

Oh, and those couple of things happened this week. KG IS OUT FOR THE PLAYOFFS AND DANNY AINGE HAD A GOD-BLESSING HEART ATTACK! Truth, as they say, is always stranger than fiction. Stephon Marbury is now a Boston Celtic and the most durable, intense superstar of his generation is now languishing in Versace for the rest of the season (as Lebron feasts on the Boston D and uses an aging Paul Pierce as a tootpick) and Danny Ainge’s heart erupted.

I don’t think I can repeat this enough. The last two men who have believed Stephon Marbury could possibly be a good addition to their basketball teams and made deals to bring him there have nearly died! Isiah through depression and a suspected overdose. Ainge through a near heart explosion. These are not independent occurences. That’s like saying people just happened to wind up dead any time Son of Sam was walking nearby. It’s exactly the same as pretending Natalee Holloway is just hanging out on a beach in Barbados. It’s akin to Matt saying “Well, I trust Corn on this one. He has wonderful restraint and good taste.” (See previous sentence)

If you do not think the “Marbury Curse” is real now, then I have some credit default swaps I’d like to sell you. They’re worth billions, I swear!

Seth Carstens