Paroxi-Wife Wednesday: Doomsday Approaches

Paroxi-Wife columns may only be marginally related to the game of basketball.  But still, her advice has to be better than Dr. Phil’s.  Right?

In April 2008, I had been married for less than six months, and HP was about the same age. Between the two of these things, I was totally unprepared for the realities of maintaining a relationship with a sports blogger during playoffs. Additionally, I was in a little bit more of a bind than some significant others because my blogger is not just a fan of one team. No, sir, my blogger has to love the LEAGUE. In its entirety. Good and bad teams, but especially the mediocre ones. Every. Single. One.

Okay, enough of writing like him too.

So to say that I was naïve when April 2008 rolled around would be an understatement. To be fair, Matt tried to prepare me by letting me know he wanted to watch every single series, and ideally all the games. He made some bargains and gave up the pivotal third Netflix disc. And still after three days of playoffs, I was a mess, and he was bewildered.

Readers, both bloggers and fans alike, I would like you to learn from this scenario and start working hard to prevent the annual playoffs collapse of your relationship. As such, I have put together a guide, and I’ll be posting thoughts on this until the playoffs start, and possibly through playoffs if I survive the second year. [Thanks to Rob, Corn, Trey and Graydon, and Josh’s technical support, I think the odds are in my favor.]

Preparations for the Playoffs: Laying the Groundwork

  • Start bringing home fresh flowers weekly. These don’t need to be fancy or expensive flowers- grocery store bought is fine. But by this time, we’re all sick of winter and could use something pretty to look at, and these will serve as a bright spot in the day when you bring up playoffs. If flowers don’t fit his/her personality, then find something else of a slightly indulgent, soft-spot kind of nature to bring home instead.
  • Start helping out around the house more without being asked. We’ll know we’re being primed for a favor, but for the most part, people don’t mind being bribed. Or maybe that’s just me.
  • Ask what big projects your significant other would like to do in the next few months, and see if you can do any of these pre-playoffs. Whether it’s cleaning up the yard after winter, rotating the clothes in the closet, or assembling bookshelves that have been in their boxes for months, you would rather get these things done now- and off her to-do list- than be asked to do them in the middle of playoffs.
  • Give the house a good cleaning. This might not seem important, but it is for two reasons: 1) bloggers are not the cleanest people during playoffs because, let’s face it, halftime just isn’t that long; and 2) that way you can pinpoint EXACTLY when everything was last done- just in case you are involved with a nut like me who will suddenly say, “Dude, we have not vacuumed the basement stairs in months! We must do it today!”
  • Suggest to her that the end of April might be a good time for a weekend trip to see her family, best friend, etc. – but make sure it is someone that it would make sense for her to go see by herself.The key when it comes to this is to NEVER make it seem like you are kicking her out or wanting the TV, house, and town to yourself, but rather being upfront about this being an opportune time given the fact you’ll be tied up.If a trip is out of the question, suggest weekend brunches, hanging out with friends she hasn’t seen in awhile locally, or happy hours.

I’ve got plans to consult with Sadie (Corn’s better half), and garner her thoughts on this topic as well.  Together she and I have seen our guys through two playoffs season (although only one as sports bloggers), and her support has always been invaluable.  If you’ve any other suggestions, please feel free to add them.

Now I’m off to get a foot rub while I can, and yell at players who chew on their mouthguards.  So annoying.

Hardwood Paroxysm