15 Footer’s been absent lately for a number of reasons, but with th unGodly number of games on tonight, I wanted to point out some of the interesting elements at play in the A this evening.
“I Don’t Trust Anything That Bleeds For Seven Days And Doesn’t Die.” : Say hello to Pistons v. Orlando.Â Orlando has been Detroit’s slave for the majority of the previous meetings. If Orlando can’t get past them at this point, with the Pistons exploding like an apple in a microwave and their team riding high on Rafer ‘Whatever! I Do What I Want!’ Alston, they’re never going to. Which means that if the Pistons end up meeting them in the first round, Orlando could get bounced. And that would just be embarrassing. It’s time for Dwight Howard to grow up and dominate a team that knows how to stop him. He’s got to hit hook shots, he’s got to grab boards, and he’s got to stay out of foul trouble. The Pistons are a wounded animal, but they’re bringing AI off the bench and starting Rip, which could put them back into good chemistry land. And hey, worst case scenario we get to watch Sheed go completely nuts again. Good times!
All The Presidents’ Men: Chicago at Washington. Obama at an NBA game. Right on. This will be even funnier when it ends up with Kirk Hinrich versus Pecherov in crunch time.
Hey, This Was Fun, Let’s Do it Again In Two Months: Miami at Atlanta. Two teams that can’t beat anyone else right now meet in a preview of the first round series to decide who gets the crap kicked out of them by the Cavs in the semis. Wade versus Johnson is hotness if Joe Nova comes back, and Beasley versus Marvin Williams should be entertaining. J-Smoove’s gonna get punked by Jermaine O’Neal/Jermaine O’Neal is gonna get punked by J-Smoove. Take your pick.
You Can’t Get To 40 In Seven Seconds Right Now: Philly at New York. D’Antoni wants the Knicks to get 40 wins. I want a Ferrari and a lifetime supply of Klondike Bars. Insert Stones song here. Are the Sixers in any way different from last year? Scrappy low seed who will get bounced in the first round? Only this time, instead of a pleasant surprise, it’ll just be disappointing? I like David Lee to go off tonight, but not be enough versus Iggy.
Starbury Fields Forever: Indiana at Boston. If the Celtics lose this game, don’t you have to waive Starbury? His signing has just cost them multiple wins. If they somehow drop to the Pacers, who are flaming out rather sadly, you have to break the glass on the axe case, right? Right? Somebody? By the way, consider that Mikki Moore and Stephon Starbury both have a better than fair chance of winning a title. TOGETHER. RUN FOR YOUR LIVES.
This Might Be Awkward.
Kevin McHale: So your superstar big man is out, huh?
Kevin Pritchard: Yeah. So’s yours, huh?
KP: Don’t you just hate them? Always getting hurt, never playing through it, injuries constantly costing your genius conception sweet victories by not reaching their full potential as an unstoppable behemoth?
KM: Um… no. Al’s was kind of a freak accident and we weren’t winning games even when he was here. As a matter of fact, I’m not even sure how I have a job. But he’ll be fine next season.
KP: Shut up, Kevin.
You Want To Talk About Injuries?: The fact that I look at Hornets-Bucks and actually go “You know? Milwaukee’s got a shot here!” says a lot about both teams. Charlie V is like some sort of weird occupant of a space that the Hornets don’t have, and will cause nightmares for the Buzz on the defensive end. Then again, Dan Gadzuric is their go-to big man and Tyson Chandler’s decided to take his sadness out on the world. Have fun with that. THIS should be the game of the night.
NEEDS MORE SCROTUM TEARING: This is what the Dallas-Oklahoma City games need more of. That’s healthy.
Kill, Birdman, Kill!: The only way the Nuggs are hanging with this Lakers squad without Nene is if Chris Anderson flocks to Pau Gasol’s girl-beard and drives him out of the arena like a supermodel with a raven in her hair.
Run, Gun, Sun, Fun, DONE: Welcome back Shawn Marion!Â You’ve traded places twice. We’ve… gone nowhere. At least they have that whole not going to the playoffs thing in common. Bargnani vs. Shaq should be entertaining.
Three words or less for the rest of the games.
LAC-SAC- MORE AGONY
*not actually a word. Well, Nellie might think so.