This Just In: No LBJ Rebound, League To Add To Kobe’s Line

(The Actual Story)

The NBA today rescinded LeBron James’ 9th rebound in his 50 point triple double against the Knicks. Based on undisclosed evidence, the league determined that Ben Wallace had gathered the board. This leaves James one rebound shy of a triple double.

In surprising news, the league has decided to award the rebound not to Ben Wallace, but to Kobe Bryant. In a statement, Commissioner David Stern said “C’mon. He finished with one rebound. One. You can’t have an awesome line like 62 points with zero rebounds. He’ll look like a jerk. That’s not acceptable. LeBron had one to spare.”

When asked about the inconclusive video evidence available to the media and spread widely across the internet by posters like kObERULEZ24 and 2COOL4INTERIORDFENSE, Stern replied “Get out of my sight. Now.”

A statement from the league does imply that the league does not plan on reviewing either Kobe or LeBron’s numerous shooting fouls to determine if they were correctly recorded. When prompted as to why, a league official said “Why? Because he scored 61. And he’s awesome. That’s why.”

LeBron James was unavailable for comment, as he was on the phone with Olympiakos.

Matt Moore

Matt Moore is a Senior NBA Blogger for CBSSports.com's Eye on Basketball blog, weekend editor of Pro Basketball Talk on NBCSports.com, and co-editor of Voice on the Floor. He lives in Kansas City due to an unbelievably complex set of circumstances and enjoys mid-90's pop rock, long walks on the beach and the novels of Tim Sandlin.