Morning Bell – 1.28.2009

Thing That is the Absolute Best About the NBA

Imagine you’re me last night.  You new wife has to write a 3-5 page paper about something you’d be no help on.  Therefore, she’ll be upstairs writing all night.  This leaves you alone downstairs with a subscription to League Pass and a pretty nice beard.  Yeah, you definitely need to trim the edges of your beard since they’re looking pretty disheveled, but that can wait.  Might as well flip through the games, right?

First, you flip on Orlando-Indiana, trying to find a reason that Orlando could maybe possibly win the title.  Whoops, the Magic are up by 20 at the half.  Next.  Sacramento-Cleveland?  You think, “maybe that’d be interesting.  I do like Kevin Martin, quite a bit.  And, of course, LeBron.  Don’t forget to trim your beard.  You look homeless.”  But then you turn on the game and it’s nothing special and you’ve watched these two teams way too often lately.  Maybe you didn’t think it was possible, but you definitely have John Salmons overload.  And also, you seriously need to trim your face.  Gross.

Denver and Memphis?  Interesting for the first quarter, which you missed.  Might as well turn on Utah-San Antonio, a game you’re not dying to see.  Sure, you like quite a few of the players, but this won’t be an exciting game.  Beats everything else on right now though, right?  You think, “whatever. Check it out.”

And that’s when you see Matt Bonner and Mehmet Okur trading big shots at the end of the half.  That’s when you realize, “whoa. The NBA is so awesome.  Trim your beard at halftime.”

264 words later, what I’m trying to say to you (who is me right now) is that you have no idea what you’re in for, any given night in the NBA.  That’s amazing. 

Now go trim your beard.

Thing That is the Absolute Worst in the NBA

On the flipside of this is a lesson I learned the hard way this morning:  never, ever sleep.  If you do, you’ll miss a double-overtime thriller between two of the most watchable teams in the NBA.  Sorry I missed you, Bobcats and Lakers.

Thing That is Also the Worst in the NBA

My eyes might have been mistaken, but for some reason, I thought I saw Matt Bonner and Matt Harpring guarding each other for significant time periods during an important game.  I must be crazy though.  There’s no way those two guys are getting big minutes for teams with title aspirations, right?  I mean, they’re Matt Bonner and Matt Harpring.  Oh, NBA, always playing jokes.  Such a kidder.

Funniest Thing This NBA Season

Roy Hibbert, “running.”  A site so rare, it doesn’t even turn up on Google Images.  If you see this mythical occurrence, you’ll understand.

Seth Carstens