Darius Miles Agrees to Resurrect his NBA Career…But Only if He Can Also Reprise His Supporting Role in The Perfect Score 2

Sorry if I got your hopes up on that one. Miles’ performance was definitely avant garde, at least in terms of its sh*ttery and randomness.

The Celtics picked up Darius Miles in no doubt to partially fill the void left by James Posey, but also to possibly throw an eighteen million dollar wrench into the cogs of the well-oiled machine that is the Trailblazers management.

For the record, I think it’s a good pickup; Miles is a good pickup, he’s athletic, and can give the Celtics something off the bench. Y’know, if he actually makes the team. But really, I hope the Celtics are doing this just to screw with Portland. If you’re the Kings, Clippers, Lakers, or the teamformerlyknownastheSonicsthatmayormaynotbecalledtheThunder, why have you not jumped on this already? The Blazers are too likeable, potentially too good, and have done far too well in the draft. Someone needs to just go over to their house, pee on their rug, flip over their kitchen table, and smash everything in sight, right?

(Kevin Pritchard awakens, groggily meeting the sun as it enters his breakfast nook. After pouring himself some coffee and preparing his Cookie Crisp, Pritchard opens up his morning newspaper to Sports. One of the headlines reads: “Boston Celtics sign sorta kinda semi-retired forward Darius Miles”)

Pritchard: (Drops coffee mug, which shatters on the floor) Sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeit.

annnnnnd SCENE!

I love The Big Chill, Roy, and the whole crew really. Pritchard is exactly the kind of gunslinging GM that every team needs, and he’s done a phenomenal job so far. But for the sake of the NBA’s future parity, I’m glad the C’s stepped up to the plate on this one.

Seth Carstens