Oh, It’s Already Gold. Gooey, Snake Eggy Gold.

Ron Artest is on his way to the Lonestar State. Next stop, Houston! This is Plano. But hey.

Sam Amick, you’re our hero of the day.

Sure, we could focus on the possibility of Artest sabotaging this deal after Yao got all uppity, and believe me, if Artest gets stranded in Sacramento for what I can only imagine will be the most uncomfortable situation in NBA history, but really, that will come on its own terms.

No, what we’d like to talk about right now is this little beautiful segment of Crazy Pills’ ramblings from his conversation with the delightful Mr. Amick (who also frequents the Cheesecake Factory in Vegas it turns out. The plot thickens.)…

“My first few years weren’t as good as my last few years and my last seven years have been really consistent, so if they want me I’m gone and even if they don’t want me, I still love Tracy McGrady.”

Besides the fact that last year wasn’t as good as some of his previous ones, and that the Malice was in the last seven years, there’s still the amazing stream of consciousness here. Note how the thoughts don’t follow any linear path, but instead seem to flow like a beautiful river through a city of ruin.

What’s next, you ask?

“This is Tracy and Yao’s team, you know. I’m not going to take it personal. I understand what Yao said, but I’m still ghetto. That’s not going to change. I’m never going to change my culture. Yao has played with a lot of black players, but I don’t think he’s ever played with a black player that really represents his culture as much as I represent my culture.”

So you pretty much are taking it personal, aren’t you Crazy Pills? Furthermore, Yao didn’t mention anything about you being ghetto. You running into the fans and assaulting the guy didn’t have anything to do with you being ghetto. It had a lot to do with you being completely batsh*t insane. Which is why we love you. Don’t sell yourself short. Also, after that last sentence, the NAACP just set itself on fire. I think we know who Obama’s VP will be!

Obama/Arest 08: “We’re still ghetto.”

I also love how even in print, you can see Amick essentially cocking his head and asking “Wait… what?” And that’s before…

“He probably reads all the headlines and doesn’t understand. He automatically believes all the propaganda. He probably should’ve called me first. But at the same time, it’s Yao Ming’s team. If he tells me to jump off the building, I’ll jump off the building.”

Come on, Yao. You can do it. Nothing tall. Just, like, a shack or something. We’ll put a trampoline under him. Come on. You know you want to know, Yao. You know.

But my favorite?

“Once Yao Ming gets to know me, he’ll understand what I’m about. Sometimes it’s hard to get to know Ron Artest because I’m so down to earth to a fault.”

That’s exactly what I thin of when I think of Ron Artest. “Down to earth to a fault.”

God Bless you, Sam Amick. You’ve brought a very special dose of Crazy Pills into our lives.

And Ron, we can’t wait for your arrival in Texas. Can’t wait. After all, Texas is the ghetto-ist of the states.

Hardwood Paroxysm