Reasons To Watch The Games Of The NBA Tonight:
You Can’t Be Trusted: This is the perfect sentiment towards New Jersey and New Orleans. Just when you think the Nets are a ragtag group of losers led by the Almighty Douchebag, they pull out a win. And when you think they might actually have something going without Kidd, they get obliterated by another team. The Hornets are just as shaky. When they’re clicking, they’re nigh unbeatable. But when they’re in a dogfight, and they turn to their bench, they turn to find they have no reinforcements. Either of these teams could blow the other one out tonight and I would just shrug and say “Oh. Of course.” New Jersey at New Orleans, 8:00PM EST.
I’ve Got One Hand In The Lottery And The Other One’s Holding On To The Playoffs: Oh, Alanis. You’re so wise. Like a miniature Buddha covered in hippie beads. Anyway, this is the Portland Trailblazers’ motto. I know they’re five games out of the playoffs. But with Phoenix and Dallas hemorrhaging like a House patient after the first four diagnoses, it wouldn’t take much for them to crawl back in. Conversely, they could hit a rough patch and slide all the way back down into the deep lottery. It’s really a win-win for them. Tonight’s the kind of game for them that could indicate which way they’re leaning this week. The Bucks are feisty. Not in a “we’ll drag you outside and beat the crap out of you” but in a “we may look like crap, but we’ll go the distance.” CVNuv has been fantastic lately, Redd’s back to gunning, and the defense hasn’t been apoplectic lately. Bogut is going to have to come up huge tonight, especially with Yi sidelined with an ankle. Portland at Milwaukee, 8:30PM EST.
Did You Say “Utes”?: Yeah, that’s what I said, the two Utes. As in, Carlos Boozer and Deron Williams. Or Paul Millsap and Ronnie Brewer, if you want to go with “yoooouuuths.” Tonight Utah goes eyes to eye with the Big Titanic, the Champions That Never Were, the Failboat With the Big Galoot, the Phoenix Suns. Or what’s left of them. We hate to abandon ship this fast. We were willing to stick with them after the Lakers blowout. I hung on after the Detroit disaster. I was even willing to dismiss the Philadelphia Mistake. But not the Nuggets. There’s no excuse of that. That’s the team you’re supposed to get up for, because they’re juuust good enough to pose a challenge, but still a terrible team. And they wilted. Nash’s body has given out, so Deron Williams is going to have a field day. Shaq can’t get it done anymore, so Boozer will get to the rack and Millsap should get his, too. Korver should be held in check with Raja, and STAT will get his. But unless Alando Tucker sees the floor and suddenly magically becomes Marion 2.0, the Suns are sunk tonight. Utah at Phoenix, 9:00PM EST.
Gotta Wear Shades: That’s the Wolves and Kings. Young talent, cap flexibility, headed for a solid draft pick, and the worst times are probably over for a while. This matchup’s got some wrinkles that are kind of interesting. First off, Sactown Royalty kindly dropped us and let us know that Rashad McCants and Francisco Garcia kind of, sort of hate each other with a blinding passion a little bit. Also, Jefferson going against Hawes is the type of raw player matchup that we like to watch. Throw in Artest versus the widdle wings for the Wolves, and this one’s actually pretty watchable, considering the records involved. Minnesota at Sacramento, 10:00PM EST.
I Taught Myself How To Grow Old: This tragedy clip should be on Clippers fans’ daily playlist. Nothing ever seems to go right for them, and while their co-tenants get all the attention and love, they’re left watching as unfortunate injury after unfortunate injury decimates their team. They just can’t catch a break. And they’ve learned from it. I think it’s one of the reasons Clippers fans generally tend to be pretty smart people. They’ve never been afforded the luxury of arrogance. Well, no worries about getting that big head tonight. The Lakers are the best team in the league, and no matter what Phil says, they’ll annihilate the Clippers tonight. But tune in to watch the greatest team ever formed, and Al Thornton is a badass. LA Clippers at LA Lakers, 10:30PM EST.
I’ll Be Waving My Hand, Watching You Drown: It’s hard not to feel some sort of sympathy for the Nuggets. They have all this talent, all this potential, all this star power, and just can’t put it together to save their lives. The don’t deserve any help, because they do have all the talent in the world, but there’s a certain sadness that I get whenever I watch them. The Spurs are unlikely to share that soft spot in their heart. What did I tell everyone when they were slumping last month? “They’re just biding their time.” Well, the biding is over and they’re ready to push full power back into the playoffs. There’s a better than even chance that they’ll be matched up with the Nuggets in the first round, so this should serve as a friendly reminder to them that come April, no amount of shoe contracts will save the Nuggets from the hitlist. San Antonio at Denver, 10:30PM EST. Well, If You Say So (Via the Corndogg): Two playoff bound teams in the East that are not the Celtics, Cavs or Pistons. Yep, its the Raps and Wizz. Good thing is, there will be plenty of Agent Zero speculation. And btw, is Tough Juice coming back?
Because If You Don’t Watch It, No One Will (Via the Corndogg): Good thing this is in the QC, cause we all know by now that Al Horford aint too proud to beg (for fans). This could also be a 4 game winning streak for the Cats. See, I told you losing Jeff McInnis was the best thing ever! Also, if the Hawks lose this one, look for them to miss the playoffs. Yeah, I said it.
Speaking Of Teams Playing Well (Via the Corndogg): Oh, no, not Seattle. How bout them Sixers, homie? Got nothing but love for Iggy and the gang. Oh yeah, and lets see if Durant can shut some folks up by popping a few jumpers in Iggy’s defensively sound grill. That might help. Sixers are gonna make the playoffs, son.
Marion Twilight Zone (Via the Corndogg): Somewhere, deep inside his crazy, “under-paid,” topsy-turvy soul, Shawn Marion will just sit back and think about how awesome it would have been to be traded to the Warriors. He will be doing this while his team is losing by 20 and his coach is quitting on him. You know, because Riley really does have other obligations than coaching. Like, finding great young talent — that he won’t let on the court. Just think, though, Shawn; you and Dizzle. What a team that would have been.
That Joke Never Gets Old (Via the Corndogg): We always told you Joe Dumars was smarter, classier and all around a better human being that Isiah. Tonight, the proof is on the hardwood. Got for the juggular, Joe! And while you are at it, just go give Marbury a hug. You know, since you are the one GM tonight who has a soul.
Poor Matt (Via the Corndogg): Guy loves the league. But more than the league, he LOVES Tyrus Thomas. Matt won’t be watching Thomas play tonight, because Ty can’t show up to practices. (Debbie Downer time — Wah Wahhh). So Matt gets stuck watching KG walk all over his pretty little darlings, much like the way the bad guys totally F-ed up Daniel Larusso’s bonsai tree in Karate Kid III. Almost like that, exactly! Suck it Thomas. See you in Miami next year.
Have a good weekend, folks.