Ball Movements 3.4.08

Reasons To Watch The Games Of The NBA Tonight:

Nuff Said: There, I just previewed Raptors-Magic without Bosh. Toronto at Orlando, 7:00PM EST.

Hopefully They’ll Just Meld Into One Team: If it weren’t for the ineptitude these teams find themselves mired in so often, Chicago-Memphis doesn’t sound half-bad. I mean, you’ve got Darko vs. Noah, a resurgent Warrick vs. Gooden, Deng vs. Miller, Hughes and Gordon vs. Miller, and Hinrich vs. JCN and Conley. Unfortunately, Memphis is negative basketball right now. I’m surprised they don’t run backwards. This is the kind of game the Bulls need. If they want to make the playoffs, they have to start finding teams they are definitely better than and beat them. Tonight, they’re looking for #1. Memphis at Chicago, 8:30PM EST.

Hope That Pinky Feels Nice: The fact that Kobe is doing what he’s doing with that pinky injury is just another example of how amazing he really is. That said, he better keep that wee digit of his tucked away because Ron Artest doesn’t give a crap if he’s Kobe Bryant or Leonardo DiCaprio. He’ll eat you, then have sex with your sister on your grave that doesn’t contain your body because he ate it. Unfortunately for the Kings, getting to Kobe is harder than it looks, and there’s not a single remaining matchup that favors the Kings. Get ready to see those smiling, laughing faces everyone is so fond of. LA Lakers at Sacramento, 10:00 EST.

The Brakes Are Squealing Like The Pigs Of Hell: The Blazers got a huge win over the Lakers last week, and are pulling themselves back up the cliff. The Suns meanwhile, are bouncing backwards, trying to figure out what’s happening and wondering what all those signs that say “CLIFF!” mean. Shaq thinks it’s time to work the offense through him. Shocker. Nash just says the team needs to get it together. Shocker. Mike D’Antoni has said nothing except it’s not Shaq’s fault. Shocker. There is literally no way this whole thing could have gone worse for the Suns. Not if Amare’s knee had given out. Not if Nash’s back had given out (more than it already has). Tonight they’ve got a dangerous, fearless, hard working Blazers team that will bust it’s ass to beat you. Whatcha gonna do, Phoenix? When the bad front office decisions, run wild on you? Phoenix at Portland, 10:00PM EST.

Good Thing Brendan Wright Reserved All Those Tickets For Tonight’s Game (Via the Corndogg): Because Nellie is finally giving the kid some scrap. I mean, was there any better fit for this Warriors team to come out of last years draft that a 6’11” kid with Go-Go Gadget arms who only lives to rebound and dunk? (OK, yes Kevin Durant is an answer also). And with Chris Weber’s bad kness (surprise!), Biedrins still recovering from appendicitis, and Nellie still allergic to Al Harrington, Wright gets to bring some family down from Nashville and watch him get his junk bitch slapped by Josh Howard all night. Should be fun. Golden State at Atlanta, 7:00PM EST.

It’s A Seven Foot Long Sandwich (Via the Corndogg): That is what Jason Maxiell and Amir Johnson will be dining on tonight… a nice, big, lean meat Durant sandwich. The Sonics are trying as hard as they can to do right by Seattle, but it just aint happening. Maybe they should just skip the game and go plead for the folks in OKC to not approve the giant tax hike it will take to update the arena there. Or not, because what is worse: having Dale Davis beat you up all game or being housed in Hurricane Alley the rest of your career? You decide. Seattle at Detroit, 7:30PM EST.

Sorry, I Must Have Been Blogging About The Bucks Too Much (Via the Corndogg): to have noticed that Jeff McInnis got the boot the other day. Otherwise, loyal readers, you would have been treated to a long, interesting diatribe about why I have McInnis more than just about any other basketball player ever and why I feel that he is the Anti-Christ. Instead, you can watch the Bobcats try hard to worsen their draft situation when they take on the T-Wolves tonight. Also, the Jefferson/Okafor matchup should be rather interesting. Mr. Big Offense vs. Mr. Sometimes Big Defense. Charlotte at Minnesota, 8:00PM EST.

Well, At Least He Isn’t On A Championship Caliber Team Anymore, Right? (Via the Corndogg): We all remember when Tony Parker opened up his stinky, French mouth about the Devin Harris trade (as I will refer to it from here on out, since New Jersey looks like they got the better end of it) and said that he is happy Harris is no longer in Dallas because his speed allows Devin to be one of the only guards in the league to match up with Parker — JHC, that was a long, boring sentence. Anywho, Harris gets a chance to go all Bloodsport on Parker tonight. Mainly because he is a badass and partly because he hates Parker as much as the rest of humanity does. Oh yeah, and Vince Carter gets to show you wht being a great teammate is all about, too.
(If you believe that last line, I’ve got some ocean front property in Arizona I would like to sell you). New Jersey at San Antonio, 8:30PM EST.

Hardwood Paroxysm